I just want to get something off my chest, the fear of losing my job is making me work harder at the cost of my mental and physical well-being.
Somewhere between working from home and juggling the paranoia of constantly proving my talents and worth to my organization, I have lost my work-life balance.
As an ambitious, 20-something-year-old who aspires to professionally be in a good place, I have started living in the constant fear of losing my job along with the existing pandemic anxiety.
Maybe this fear stems from the taboo of having gap years in my resume or my personal innate horror of being rejected.
Look around, we're all stranded in a swamp of pay cuts and layoffs, thanks to 2020. According to reports by CMIE,18.9 million salaried jobs have been lost since the beginning of the lockdown.
Well, unfortunately as someone who is in the creative field, the pressure build-up of lay-offs has a direct impact on my productivity. It's a vicious cycle, the more anxious I am, the more disrupted is my creative process and the poorer is my outcome.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the job that I have. It puts food in my belly and feeds my creative freedom. But I feel like somewhere between living in the fear of losing my job and pay cuts, I've forgotten my end goal.
The unspoken obligation to push myself, be better at what I do, and give it more than I have in the past has affected me so much that sometimes I tend to lose track of time.
Staying a little longer at work, taking up more than I can chew on my plate, skipping meals and applying for fewer holidays are a few things I subconsciously started doing.
Now maybe it's because my social life is on hold due to the pandemic, or maybe because work from home has blurred the lines between personal and professional, but even when I'm not working, I'm thinking about work and ways to improve my performance.
This never happened before. I cannot even begin to imagine what people who are in my situation but have more responsibilities like supporting a family are going through.
I mean I just have to sustain my independence and I'm still so worried all the time.
Just because I feel this way, doesn't mean that I hate my job. It's dealing with the uncontrollable external factors that bring in a sense of insecurity that I'm sick and tired of.
However, I've grown to realise that spending some me-time, even when you're super busy can bring in a few moments of solace. Hang in there folks, we're all in this together, probably sailing in different boats but riding the same wave.