So, after a looooooong wait, Deadpool has finally released! The 'merc with a mouth' has finally arrived on the silver screens in Marvel's first ever R-rated superhero movie.
The film has been receiving some insanely great reviews. The hype, it turns out, was real.
However, as outrageous as it might sound, Deadpool is in fact the most anti-Indian superhero ever.
His beliefs are in direct contradiction to the nation's ideologies. His way of doing things is just not...Well, Indian.
Don't believe me?
Allow me to explain.
1. Deadpool can make fun of anybody and get away with it. India doesn't work that way.
There's a reason why Deadpool is called the 'merc with a mouth'. 'Cause he has a mouth and he fuckin' knows how to use it.
That's outrageous! How can he mock somebody and then just get away with it? He should be arrested.
Like it happens in India.
2. Deadpool flirts with anybody. Including guys. That's something India hates.
Deadpool is always looking for opportunities to flirt with girls. Although occasionally, he doesn't mind flirting with a guy as well. Because variety is the spice of life.
OMG! How dare he do that? On a scale of one to sanskari, that's blasphemy!
Aaadmi hoon aadmi se pyaar karta hoon? We think not.
3. Deadpool believes in instant justice and making a show out of it. India believes in atithi devo bhava.
Deadpool has only one brand of justice; kill the wrong-doer. Moreover, he takes great pride in making a show and an example out of it.
Does he have no manners? What savagery is that?
Deadpool should learn a lesson or two from India. Look at the hospitality we metted out to Ajmal Kasab. So what if he was a terrorist? He'd come to our country and that makes him our guest.
4. He never takes himself too seriously. India doesn't believe in such buffoonery.
Deadpool never takes anybody too seriously. Including himself.
Thankfully, India is a land of
butthurts serious intellectuals. We don't allow anybody (including ourselves) to make fun of ourselves.
5. Deadpool believes in taking shit from nobody. We believe in talks. More talks. And then, well, some more talks.
Deadpool follows a simple rule. Never take shit from anybody. No matter how far the enemy is, he goes to any length to take revenge. He believes in action.
Now while actions might speak louder than words, we respectfully disagree. Ab jab bhagwan ne muh diya hi hai, toh baat karte jao na! What's the need for violence?
So what if the talks yield no results? As long as they yield no violence either, we're happy.
We're happy the way we are Deadpool. We don't need you. Thanks, but no thanks.