They say you can be anyone on the internet. But that's not true for Facebook. Most of the time, you barely even look at post or share to know what the other person is thinking.
1. People who put up a 100 selfies a day.
What we understand:"Love me."
While men are no less guilty of these vain glorious displays of narcissism, it is women that have taken the art of Facebook selfies to a whole new level. No one puts up 10 selfies a day because they feel like it. They are fishing for likes. And likes they get, by the freaking bucket loads.
2. People who upload hundreds of travel photos.
What we understand: "I've been to more places than you."
Sharing travel photos is nice. What is not nice is uploading every single photo you took on that trip for the world to see. No one is really interested in seeing the picture of a roll of toilet paper from the public washroom you used on the way to Timbuktu.
3. People who share photos of their food.
What we understand: "Look how tasty my food is."
There's a reason hipsters were hated for this. There is nothing nearly as vexing as seeing pictures of"Red Sauce Expensive As F**k Shrimp Lobster " plastered on your timeline while you're at home eating humble daal-chawal .
4. People who keep "feeling" things.
What we understand: "I too, have feelings."
So many feels... If you're feeling sad, talk to someone, if you're feeling happy, share it with someone. And what the hell are we supposed to do when you're feeling "blessed?"
5. People who put up frustratingly vague statuses.
What we understand:"Ask me what happened."
What exactly do you mean when you say "Life is a balloon of broken love. Feeling Angry?" It's just bait for someone to ask "What happened?" And you know what happens after that? Nothing. Literally, this is their reply, "Nothing." Ladies and gentlemen, applause.
6. People who put up incredibly passive aggressive statuses.
What we understand: "I am so angry at someone I can't confront!"
If you're mad at someone, please, just let them know. Either you'll fight and never speak again, or you'll find a solution to your problem. Most experts agree that shooting out double meaning status messages isn't the best method of conflict resolution.
7. People Who Play "Tag"
What we understand: "Come, be a part of my life."
It's just wrong. Tagging your friends in photos of your new haircut actually makes these photos show up in their timelines as well. Why?
8. People who keep "Checking In" all the time.
What we understand:"Hey, I go to lots of cool places you don' have the time / money for."
What's with all the checking in? Why must people behave like Google Maps all the time? Why must people make things so much easier for the CIA?
9. People who share a lot of stuff from humour sites.
What we understand: "I'm so funny."
This is something that is becoming exceedingly common with today's young 'uns. They pick any random peppy quote or one liner (usually an image) they identify with even remotely and share it with their friends, who reinforce this compulsive behaviour by going, "LoL."
10. People who do the #100daysofhappiness bullshit.
What we understand: "I'm happy. You're not."
A fairly recent phenomenon, this hashtag has been doing the rounds of social media like the flu. Although it's a nice thing to be happy and do interesting stuff, but does this imply that you won't be happy after a 100 days?
11. People who use too many hashtags.
What we understand:"I think this is Twitter."
Hashtags belong in Twitter. It should stay that way. A lot of people #put #hashtags #in #every #single #word #of #their #statuses. You're doing it wrong guys.
12. People who steal statuses.
What we understand: "I'm so smart. They'll never know."
But we will. Facebook is plagiarism central. If you put up anything worth sharing, at least a 100 pseudo intellectuals will descend on your profile and promptly proceed to steal your gem of wisdom to post and claim as their own. And then they act all pseudo modest about it.
All gifs sourced from the awesome giphy.com