Every Sunday we go to sleep, fearing the advent of a dreadful Monday. Wednesdays give us mid-week, almost-existential crises. And let’s not even talk about weekends for they disappear even before we realize it. 

But, Bollywood just doesn’t get it. 

They throw at us characters who have surreal, almost unbelievable jobs. The kind of jobs that let you travel, explore and still fill your pockets, bank accounts and every cupboard in the house with the kind of money that we can’t even imagine earning. And the best part about these jobs is that you hardly see the characters working!

I am jealous and if you’re too stuck in the 9 to 5 (goes up to 8 for me) rut, then you should be jealous too. 

Here’s me calling out some Bollywood characters for making me believe that no work and all play could help me earn too:

1. Aishwarya Rai in Ae Dil Hai Mushkil 

This has to be the most unbelievably high-paying jobs to have appeared on screen in the recent times. 

Firstly, Aishwarya was an Urdu poetess (shayara) residing in Vienna. Who cares about Urdu in a land where even English isn’t so popular? Yet somehow, she lived in a posh apartment that could easily be featured in any home decor magazine. The weird part was that she wasn’t even good at her job (as described by KJo during the promotions).  

2. Ranbir Kapoor and Anushka Sharma in Ae Dil Hai Mushkil

Well, at least, Aishwarya had a legit job (yes, we’ll call it that). But what on Earth were Ranbir and Anushka doing in ADHM? 

Ranbir was a rich kid pursuing MBA and Anushka was a rich girl who was later disowned by her father and yet, managed to throw an extravagant wedding for herself. There’s a term in marketing called cash cow. It’s basically any business/investment/product that guarantees a steady flow of income. Their respective fathers were their cash cows!

3. Shah Rukh Khan and his troupe in Dil To Pagal Hai

We have heard of plays, concerts, stand-up comedies and even slam poetry happen on stage. But where have we seen musicals happening in India? 

SRK, Karisma and Madhuri were a part of a troupe that specialized in musicals. They sang and danced all day long while SRK beat the shit out of his drum set and managed to sustain a full-fledged studio.

4. Ranbir Kapoor in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani

This is one job I’m still in search of. 

From being a camera person on his first ever job, Ranbir’s second job opportunity is to anchor a whole new show. You can’t even call this a promotion. It is nothing but a lie. A BIG FAT LIE!

And if this does exist, please let me know in the comments section. 

5. Katrina Kaif in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Whoever thought that chilling couldn’t pay your bills, they’ve probably not seen ZNMD. 

In this film, Katrina’s job was to travel to new places and teach scuba diving. She would do this for a couple of months, earn enough money, spend it all and do it again. 

And here we are, not able to make our way through a heap of files while Katrina swam through oceans for a living!

6. Salman Khan in Jai Ho

So, here’s an ex-Army officer who is spearheading a humanitarian movement of making the world a better place. He chills the fuck out all day and to pass time, helps 3 people every day. In return he asks each of those 3 people to help 3 more people and in no time a network is built. Now, everybody is helping everybody and the world is a better place. 

Clearly, the man hasn’t visited Delhi!

7. Ayushmann Khurrana in Vicky Donor

This guy is a sperm donor and the next thing you know, his house is flooding with luxuries. 

Now, who doesn’t want to have a job that pays you for a specific weekly routine? But if you think about it, this is something that all you boys can do to make some extra money. This is pretty doable (pun intended).

8. Shah Rukh Khan in Mohabbatein

A teacher by profession and a love propagandist at heart, this guy was doing everything but teaching. He would dreamily hop around meadows with his imaginary girlfriend, while kids back at school were probably going berserk for getting a free period. 

That’s some example you have set for teachers worldwide, Mr. Raj Aryan!

9. Salman Khan in Mujhse Shaadi Karogi

Salman Khan is relocated to Goa where he is a life guard who also manages a gym. Yes! 

This guy basically spends his days on the beach and screws with our idea of a real job. While lesser mortals like you and I live our lives through unfulfilled Goa-chalte–hain-plans, Salman in Mujhse Shaadi Karogi works there and spends his on-duty hours wondering about how to woo Priyanka.

10. Akshay Kumar in Kambakkht Ishq

So, this guy has a real job. He is a stuntman in Hollywood. Probably the best stuntman that they have. But for some odd reason he has more swag, money and women than even the big movie stars. WTF!

It seems like this guy is running the movie business in Hollywood. His life was so unbelievably lavish that even he could stand for President and win, given that’s how the US is functioning!

If you guys know of jobs that are even 1% like these, then please let us know in the comments section. 

Help your fellows be happy!