I think many of us, as women can relate to growing up in homes where our parents or other family members told us what to wear. But is it healthy to be micromanaged like that? Well, this Reddit post by a girl, about having to sneak crop-tops and shorter, more revealing clothes to another city, because of her strict dad is a clear sign of just how messed up this norm really is.
And, here’s how people have responded to @u/Cold_Crazy2875 post. Many people have come forward to advise her on how to have access to those clothes when she moves to Mumbai.
But, in my personal opinion, this entire situation is problematic AF; Why do so many desi women have to deal with their parents, or other family members policing their life, as full-grown adults?
1. “Maybe buy new ones in Mumbai.“
2. “Put it there after your father has checked your bag and if he asks what are you doing with your bag tell him you are keeping period products or more bras.”
3. “Or put the crop tops and shorts in the packet of pads.”
4. “Leave them home, buy new “croppier,”and shorter ones when you reach Mumbai.“
5. “Hide it in your bag where you have kept your bras and panties sis. Or your laptop bag, or handbag or with your period products so your dad won’t check, since he’s conservative. Or buy a bra holder and keep it there. Maybe even stuff it in your jeans or hide it in your car beforehand under the driver’s seat.”
6. “Take them to your friends house, have it packed there and put them in a box and ready to be couriered to your office address. Then ask her to courier it to your address while you take the bags that have been verified by your parents and leave.“
7. “Checking your grown up daughters bag? That’s disgusting.”
8. “Your dad is delusional if he thinks he can stop you by being crazy strict. Go to Mumbai, buy the ones you love and enjoy your life to the fullest. Best of luck girl.”
8. “It doesn’t matter how conservative the OP’s parents are, it’s disrespectful, creepy, disgusting and NOT NORMAL. It was suffocating to even read this.”
9. “Not only is this super controlling but also really weird and….ick! This is not normal. Glad the OP is bouncing to Mumbai where she can live her best life!”
10. “It’s crossing the line. It’s going from being controlling to being downright abusive.”
11. “Your father will be checking all of your clothes? Can’t believe I just read this. OP I hope you realize that it is not normal for a father or a mother to check their adult daughter’s clothes. It sounds like they have no respect for you and your privacy.”
12. “Stand up to your father and tell him he can’t tell you what to do anymore. You have a job. You don’t need to depend on him.”
13. “I don’t understand. What does a grown ass man have to do with what type of clothes you wear, especially when you’re an adult? There’s some strict boundary setting that needs to take place here. It’s super fucked up.
14. “Girl, buy new clothes there. This ain’t worth the drama.”
15. “Hey OP, this is not normal and it is borderline abusive. Please seek help.“
Although our culture’s tendency to encourage seeking the guidance of older family members isn’t inherently bad, many times, it does end up creating abusive, controlling and suffocating environments for youngsters.
And most often, it’s the women of the family that suffer because of it. That’s unfortunate. It’s so unfortunate that we’ve normalized this level of interference and control from family.