Bollywood is notorious for embedding unrealistic standards of love in the minds of us hopeless romantics. Except there is a tiny problem. For the Hindi film industry, the line between romance and felony is wafer thin.

Here are 7 B-town ways you definitely shouldn’t try to get the girl (cause she’ll either whoop your ass or file a police complaint):

1. Consent is never negotiable.

This scene in the first episode of Guilty Minds, where Kahsaf goes on to school Deepak on consent, and his intoxicated state laced with overflowing testosterone leads him to do exactly that. Kiss her without her consent. This earns him a well deserved tight slap across the face. Touching a woman without her consent is never hot or romantic, and frankly an unforgivable offence. It loosely translates to “I don’t respect her enough to care for her permission.”

2. Flirting with your BFF’s girlfriend to help her make him jealous won’t land you the girl.

I don’t know who taught Bollywood that flirting with your dear friend’s girl to help her make him jealous is a pit stop to a whirlwind love triangle, where the third wheel ends up winning at love. IRL, this almost always never happens and ends up causing a rift in your friendship.  And while I’m at it, let me break another major Bollywood fantasy: love triangles are fun for no one, you’re all losers in the end. 

3. If these are your thoughts when you’re with a girl, forget romance, go get help.

A beautiful girl approaches you, and your mind immediately goes to “Ek baar test drive karni pare gi,” or “Kya leg piece hain yaar.” News flash: you’re no hopeless romantic but a raging misogynist who only views women as objects of desire. Don’t walk, run to therapy before you become a menace to society. 

4. Please stop climbing structures where you shouldn’t be climbing. 

How is ascending high surfaces to the point it’s dangerous, even a tad bit romantic? It’s weird! Still, it seems to be one of Bollywood’s top 10 romance mechanisms. Why? Who knows? Drugs maybe. The list of what definitely not to do also includes: dropping by unannounced, showing up with a troupe of strange men and making a public display of your feelings with song and dance. Why would you embarrass a girl like that?

5. Maybe don’t threaten to slap her if she doesn’t do it your way?

Hmm, firstly maybe you shouldn’t slide into a conversation by throwing money in her face? And secondly, if she doesn’t play into your man-childish flirtatious antics, perhaps don’t threaten to slap her across the face? But, I am not the one with a cult like following so what do I know? Bhai knows best.

6. I don’t care how much you’re in love with a girl, DO. NOT. STALK. HER. 

The worst, most toxic thing Bollywood has propagated to the nation’s youth is that stalking is somehow insanely romantic. It is not. Not only does it make women feel violated in their own space but it is also a big-time crime. You’re telling me, if you honestly loved a girl you’d want her to live in fear every moment of her life thinking that a random lunatic might pop out at any second. Sorry bro, that’s not love, that’s treating women like your personal property. 

7. Please don’t be an axe murderer. 

For the love of God, do not think of this scene as anything even remotely romantic. Do not kidnap a girl, do not tie her up, do not tape her mouth shut, do not swing an axe at her. And the worst offence – do not get that haircut.