This asshole is no hero.
And thank the Lord for that. Otherwise, we would have just had another star-spangled dummy. Instead, we have the merc with a mouth.
1. He does some stupid things almost every day. Just like the rest of us.
Deadpool is one of us. He knows sleeping at 4 AM is a bad idea if you have office at 9 AM, but he will do it anyway. Because binge watching shit on Netflix is fucking worth it.
2. Only self-righteous prices fight for justice. Mr. Pool fights for selfish vengeance like the rest of us.
I mean, you already have the boy scouts from X-Men and the Avengers doing that. Mr. Pool is not bothered by earthly affairs that do not concern him. To him, it’s always his friends and family first.
3. It’s refreshing to see a hero that doesn’t look like he has been sculpted out of a rock.
Deadpool looks like a piece of dog shit covered in bodies of dead flies being eaten by dung beetles.
4. When Deadpool deals with a problem, he makes sure it doesn’t come back to bite him in the ass. Again!
Nobody likes having the same problems every damn day. You think Francis or the kebab guy will ever bother Mr Pool again?
5. Deadpool doesn’t give a shit where he is. He is unapologetic about his behaviour no matter what.
If Colossus’s metal dick reminds Mr. Pool of his father, it probably means he is in touch with his emotions.
6. Mr. Pool likes God’s honest truth and he gets to hear it from his friends.
He’s ugly and if he wants to know how ugly, you should definitely tell him. He actually appreciates it.
7. He is not afraid of wearing pink.
Seriously, when was the last time you saw a superhero wearing pink and said, “Oh, that guy’s a badass!”?
8. Just like the rest of us, Mr. Pool loves watching movies and takes them way too seriously.
The plan always goes wrong, no matter what superpowers you have. When most people fail in these circumstances, Mr. Pool takes a cue from one of his favourites movies, 127 Hours.
9. He is just as confused about the X-Men continuity errors as the rest of us.
Yeah, explain that shit, will you?
10. And unlike Captain America, he doesn’t watch his language.
Yeah, fuck that steroid taking motherfucker from 1945.
11. He’s also not afraid to make fun of all the mistakes of his past.
In hindsight, Green Lantern was the 2nd biggest mistake of his life. The first being X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
12. Despite being a foul-mouthed violent man with a cancerous face, he still makes a damn good boyfriend.
You are lying of you don’t want a love story like Wade and Vanessa. These two are so perfect! Like jigsaw pieces with weird curvy angles. Put them together and you can see the picture on top.
13. Wolverine might have killed him but Deadpool is still mourning Wolverine’s death!
14. He takes pots shots about how low budget his movie is. Accepting life as it is is a symbol of a mature human.
Remember the scene from the first film, where Deadpool forgets his arsenal of guns in the taxi. Well, what happened was that there was supposed to be a gunfight scene but the studio couldn’t afford them the budget for it.
15. And just like the rest of us, he thinks that the DCEU is way too dark.
Deadpool is basically the inner voice of every man.
He can carry a pink costume with guns, have the face of Ryan Reynolds with a Hugh Jackman mask and still look ugly inside, just like the rest of us.