Virender Sehwag isn’t the only one who cracks funny jokes on Twitter. Meet Aparna Nancherla, New York-based stand-up comedian. This woman has a penchant for making the sassiest and funniest observations and doesn’t shy away from sharing them on her Twitter handle. Her Twitter handle keeps her followers quite entertained.
Her comic sense has a freshness to it, and is quite different from other crop of stand-up comedians, which you can easily make out from the description on her Twitter handle which says:
I am a scrunched up napkin with recyclable dreams. Also a comedian in some cultures. Total drag in others.
Here are some of her funniest tweets that will surely crack you up:
small talk is like the ad that plays before the video you actually wanna watch
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 24, 2016
You gotta kiss a few frogs to get kicked out of the Aquarium
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 24, 2016
negative thoughts are like car alarms. they usually go off at night for no reason & the only way to handle them is by blaming other people.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 23, 2016
Privilege is like a nose. Most of the time you can barely spot yours, but then you realize it’s been smack dab on your face the entire time.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 18, 2016
the best way to win an argument online is to throw your digital device into a river
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 16, 2016
If I had to give my anxiety a number, it would be an irrational one
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 15, 2016
Imagine a font so grotesque it’s described as “the poor man’s Comic Sans”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 13, 2016
If I was the face of a movement, I would demand it be an unflattering freeze frame to keep everyone’s expectations realistic
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 13, 2016
I always wanna go up to ppl’s dogs & say “OMG I’m such a huge fan of your work. I’ve been following it since over there.” *points 7 ft away*
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 13, 2016
you know it is hot when you are grateful when people’s ACs drip on you
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 12, 2016
HAIR HACK: walk into any salon, plop down in a chair, point to the broad next to you & say “i’ll have what she’s having.”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 8, 2016
Depression is like autocorrect for your thoughts, but it changes everything to “why”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 7, 2016
I miss just enough spots when I’m shaving that my legs become a wildlife preserve for endangered hairs
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 4, 2016
On the cusp of understanding hairdos & hairdon’ts
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 3, 2016
I never feel more powerful than when I leave the room while the ad before the video I want to watch starts playing
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 2, 2016
my email response time is either 2 seconds before you sent yours to 7 years after, in which i present my reply like an in memoriam montage
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 1, 2016
What is snatchap
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 1, 2016
Couples who won’t break their handhold to let you pass through, I give it a year tops
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 1, 2016
If I were the Incredible Hulk, it is clear my catalyst would be whenever my phone takes too long to send a text
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 31, 2016
Remember the great conversation we had at that loud party? I’ll never forget all the cool shapes your mouth made.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 29, 2016
There is a point in every party where someone steps on your foot hard enough & the curse is finally lifted & you can go home
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 29, 2016
my favorite thing abt being a tourist is the deep respect locals have for you, as demonstrated thru their offerings of sacred magnets & pens
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 28, 2016
“I’m sorry, there’s been a terrible misunderstanding.”-me whenever an alarm clock goes off
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 28, 2016
the reason I find it easier to be self deprecating is that the face I make when I’m pleased w/myself could turn a teddybear to the dark side
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 26, 2016
Eating straight out of a chinese food takeout container like a detective who’s only solved one case: what if you aint got plates
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 25, 2016
Judging other people’s reactions to tragedy is like a shaved porcupine: it’s pointless
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 23, 2016
There is no stare more intensely chilling than people in restaurants whose food hasn’t arrived yet watching you eat
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 19, 2016
Do you also have a stomach ache from excessive laughing? ‘Cause we do!
For more of her wisecracks, follow her on Twitter.
Masthead Image Source: Feministing | Feature Image Source: Elle
