Dear readers,

You might think that I had the best life with this fun-loving family, living in an ultra-luxurious bungalow. However, that’s far from the truth. No one knows what I went through – the hassles and difficulties I faced during my journey.

I’m Tuffy, the most adorable character (can’t deny that) from the movie Hum Aapke Hain Koun. You might remember me as the ‘fate changer’, but I’m here to share my side of the narrative.


I mean, these humans deserved to be showcased in a frickin’ museum. Here’s why!

These humans made me wear a bow tie and a heavy hat that read ‘umpire’. Not just this, they made me sit on this red-hued wooden chair. Firstly, it was bloody 40 degrees that morning and the wood… hurt me in the wrong *ahem* areas. 

Anyway, not knowing what to do, I chose the ‘out’ placard so that the entire cricket drama ended quickly and I could rest in silence inside the home. 

I hated it when someone, with me in their arms, started another conversation. Arre bhai, just let me go and do your shit on your own!

Also, these humans, or my so-called family, were too enthusiastic about everything. I mean EVERY BLOODY THING! Just look how four others surrounded one tired man, who, by the way, was the only sane man around here.

This was me – tired and sleepy because din mein yeh cricket khelte rehte the aur raat mein shaadi ki planning karte the. Bhai, yeh jaanwar sota kab?

Later, they went on a religious vacation and suddenly, we had a new member in our family. Even though she was really sweet towards me, that’s the main reason why I made her win in one of those annoying in-house matches, she was a little foolish – what, don’t ‘stair’ at me! (See what I did there?)

Yaar, isne fir mujhe utha liya tha! 

These two men were ranting about hiding the sane man’s wedding shoes for hours and still couldn’t do it right. Of course, I had to intervene and save their asses.


Once again, I was made to sit on this hot and uncomfortable chair!

I think this man was obsessed with me. 

I always knew that something was fishy between these two but I minded my own business.

Later, they also made me do senseless things. Like? 

I felt so sick and tired after we welcomed the baby and I thought that they would let me rest after that. But NO! During my sleep time, they made me sit at a table to watch as they played antakshari. What even?

Bhai, kya zaroorat thi iss sab ki? Mera dard kisi ne nahin samjha. Oh, and of course, they started dancing later… AGAIN!

I still cannot forget the horrendous evening when they made me sit in the car and took me to this lady’s home. Why? No one knows!

Everything was fine – they were happy about something and even danced (of course). But then…

I was too sad to eat after that. It was traumatic. 

But these fools decided to have another wedding in the house soon after! My life was taking more twists and turns than an Abbas-Mustan movie.

Anyway, I was already annoyed with everything that was happening, and this woman asked me to hand over this heavy handkerchief-wrapped thing to someone.

In my defense, I was too tired, thanks to everything that had been happening, and I guess I handed it over to the wrong man.

I could sense that I fucked up from the expressions on everyone’s faces. 

Nevertheless, nothing could stop the wedding and here we go!

Not everything we see in the movies is exactly that way. Sometimes, things hurt more than we show and it took me a long time to recover from all these incidents. After all these years, I have finally moved on.

Thank you for being here and hearing my rant,