It's been 8 months since I broke up and here I am, all on my own.
I said on my own and not alone.
Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings and it becomes more beautiful when you share it with someone. And during that time, we forget everything else and just focus on that. But then, most things in life aren't permanent, are they?
My relationship ended after 4 long years. It might not be too long a time for some because the idea of a long-term relationship differs from person to person. But for me, it was a really long time.
Why did it end? Well, if I start on that, it'll take me forever to finish this article. However, I know even though it is over, I have enough memories to cherish for a lifetime.
Thankfully, my relationship ended the way I intended it to. Without any drama and on a civil note.
Post the break-up, started another phase. I had to explain to everyone who mattered as to why I broke up. These were people I'd been ignoring throughout my relationship because I was completely busy trying to focus on it. And now, I had to face all of them, each one more curious than the other.
"Hey, how's your boyfriend?"
Every time someone asked me this question, I had to tell them the truth. And getting that oft-repeated "Aww!" coupled with a sad expression was way too much to handle, over and over again. I was already going through so much!
"You did the right thing. He never really cared about you!"
"You deserved better!"
What else could my friends say, right?
In hindsight, at least I can catch up with my friends whenever I want. I don't have to plan a scene and then cancel it at the last minute because my boyfriend wanted to meet me. I could wear whatever I liked without worrying about what 'he' would think.
When I was in a relationship, I'd forgotten all about the things I liked doing.
No more late night calls. No more waiting for his reply. No more meeting him every day after college. No more pretty dinner dates or celebrating Valentine's Day. No more late-night texts or 27 missed calls. No more "Mom, main apni friend se milne ja rahi hoon" lies. No more birthday celebrations together.
Everything comes to a halt.
Actually, my first birthday without him was rather tough. Suddenly, I had to force myself to be happy and celebrate. Celebrate without him. I couldn't call him up. I couldn't rely on him to plan a party. I couldn't be with him. The realisation that I was truly single finally hit me. And hit me hard!
But then, it felt good.
After a long time, I was thinking about no one but myself. It was my birthday and my party. Everything was about just me. My happiness. When we're in a relationship, we forget about our own happiness, right?
If I meet my ex-boyfriend, I'd like him to know a few things.
He should know that every time I go to one of 'our' places, though I cry a little, I have a smile on my face. I don't go for too many movies anymore because our Friday night movie ritual can't be followed anymore.
But he should know that I'm glad I don't have to send and receive 'good morning' and 'good night' messages anymore. It was so stupid to religiously send those, every single day!
He needs to know that I miss having him at every step of life. But he should also know that I'm managing just fine without him.
A lot of cute boys have suddenly appeared out of nowhere, or maybe, I've started noticing them now. But for now, the thought of starting a new relationship is exhausting.
But I enjoy the flirting, the attention. And I know I need to majorly improve my flirting skills!
It took me time to get over my break-up but I'm finally at peace again. And I'm sure I'll fall in love again. Soon.
For now, I'm enjoying the silence.
I thought I wouldn't be able to deal with the aftermath of my relationship but I did good and came out pretty strong. I now have time for almost everyone in my life, including my own self.
Life may not be about 'our' goals anymore but it certainly is about 'my' goals now. And that isn't so bad!