It was wedding season last year, and it looks like it is wedding season still. Basically, it’s always wedding season, and well, I’m not the best wedding attender. I don’t know what to do when I’m not eating, and getting clicked by a professional photographer is mostly awkward. So, I observe people (read: rishtedar).

And now the videos from Anant Ambani and Radhika Merchant’s engagement are circulating left and right on the internet. Clearly, there’s a lot that’s common between us and the Ambanis. Other than being billionaires, of course.

Here’s proof:

1. Their viral family dance

If you’ve watched a desi family dance at a sangeet, you know that it’s an altogether different (yet existent) dance form. Because apparently, all desi parents and rishtedar have the same steps. Of course, there are songs from Hum Saath Saath Hain that keep playing – the film was mostly a music album with dialogues in between. Oh, and Ambanis too made a train (the only way we know how to make an entrance).

2. Awkward speeches

What is the perfect wedding speech? I mean, I’ve never heard anything better than “the food is served” announcement. So, when people actually try saying nice things it mostly turns into a ‘pass the parcel’ with a mic. Don’t worry, it happens with everyone, even Isha Ambani. On a sidenote – it’s a wedding, you don’t have to say nice things. UPSC thodi crack kiya hai, right? No?

3. OR training the bride for mommy duties.

Have you seen those awkward pictures from the wedding, where relatives stand with the dulha-dulhan? Yeah, it’s mostly about showing off the lifafa. But this picture reminds me of that. Because there’s always, ALWAYS, that one family who brings their kid and hands (read: forces) them over to the bride. It’s an indirect way of telling them what’s coming. Yes, desis believe in passive communication.

4. Sending guests to the buffet.

There’s a point in every wedding/desi function where there are too many guests, and they all look frustrated (again, with the passive aggression). It’s mostly because they want food. Also, everyone likes a smooth functioning buffet. So, we start preparing a full-proof plan, wherein we start sending people in bunches. It’s an unsaid rule, and one responsible patriarch is designated to devise this system. For the Ambanis, it was the groom-to-be himself.

5. That adorable ring-bearer.

Every engagemnt function has a ring-bearer who takes away the limelight – for good or bad reasons. While at the Ambanis, it was their pet dog (too cool), most people go with mama, masi, chacha, bua ke bache. The shortlisting of the kid depends a lot on their behaviour. Needless to say, they mostly do not behave well on D-day. No offense (to kids), but a pet dog is a better idea.

6. Kid for barter.

So clearly, kids have a lot to do at weddings. We’ve all met an awkward toddler at these weddings and asked – “Aapke mumma papa kahan hain?” You’d be lying if you said no. You see, every desi function has a kid who’s either roaming around without adult supervision or just moving around with different people (due to a lack of choice). Of course, Ambanis have ‘that’ kid as well.

7. One sweet matriarch.

Dadis and nanis are fun. They have no filter, and a lot of love to give. Kokilaben Ambani’s sweet speech at the Anant-Radhika engagement function screams love. And well, it’s always a lot of entertainment to watch them talk, because these women are usually funnier than all relatives combined. Needless to say, there’s no pretentiousness and a lot of candor involved.

8. Bride ki entry.

Here’s a tip – if you hate being put in the spot or a lot of limelight, just stay away from the bride at all times. All wedding functions have a grand bridal entry, and it just draws a lot of attention. Definitely more than that lost kid that I mentioned. Radhika Merchant’s walking down the stairs is nice and all, but imagine being anywhere near her. Introverts know.

Looks like a fun engagement party though.