Disclaimer: If you agree with the points in this article, you’re as big a douchebag as the writer of this article.
Impressing women is not an easy job for normal guys. But I’m not here to teach you easy stuff. I have had my way with women for too long and the V-Game was getting so ridiculously easy for me, I decided to help out competition to challenge myself. Remember, a great thinker Snoop Dogg once said, “bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks!” I don’t necessarily believe in that though.
Here are the top 13 tricks to bump up your game and get laid. See you in the field.
1. Wear tight clothes. So tight, your body accepts them as skin and starts sweating through them.
Women love men in skin-tight jeans and shirts for infants. Choose ‘Govinda-colours’.
2. Buy a dog or two. Go for expensive breeds. The deadlier the dog, the hotter you look.
Dogs have the supernatural ability to attract chicks and convert them into your wives. You can even flaunt swanky dog collars and other accessories. Women love that shit.
3. Take it a notch further. Adopt a baby. Go for cute ones.
Babies are chick-magnets of the highest order. Keep a baby in your living room and your place will never see a dull day. Non-stop action guaranteed.
4. Dye your hair golden. Arabs do that all the time.
It’s a tried and tested trick. Women dig this stuff. It gives you a rich look even if you are broke.
5. Wear SWAG-y jewellery.
Women appreciate the effort you make for them. Nothing attracts ladies more than shiny, shiny golden ornaments, like this dude with the 4kg shirt made of 24k gold! Because rich is beautiful.
6. There’s nothing like too much deo.
You can buy a bottle of deo for under 200 bucks. That’s the best money you’ll ever spend. Shake and spray till the bottle has nothing left in it. Now step out with your nose in the air, because you’re a winner. Carry condoms; you don’t want to get a girl cling on to you because you got her pregnant.
7. Grow a thick chest carpet. Women really dig it.
Women love to be tickled. Feathers are passe. Home-grown fuzz is the shizz. You ain’t a man unless you have manly mane.
8. Kill your food with your hands to look extra macho.
Women hate vegetarians because that’s not macho enough. Women like wild men with wild habits. Eat meat and win them over. Catch an animal and eat it alive; and they are all yours forever.
9. Talk dirty and sleazy.
Scientific research at IIN University proves that 74.8% times, women prefer perverted men over non-perverted ones. Talk dirty and act sleazy in public. Don’t listen to what they say. Do it anyway. They want it!
10. Smoke cigarettes. Smoke cigars. Smoke beedis . Smoke grenades. Smoke everything.
Smoking is not only cool, it will instantly boost up your chances of intercourse by 70% and cancer by 75%. Also, women love smoky flavoured kisses.
11. Pick up fights. And jump into fights you couldn’t pick.
Women love angry, rash, manly men. Pick up fights wherever possible, specially when a lot of people are watching.
12. Drive fast, drive far, drive crazy.
The faster you drive, the more excited you make the ladies. Also, ride motorcycles without a helmet. Women love thrill. And death.
Hack: Drink a lot before driving. If you can hold your liquor and drive like a maniac, chicks will go mad for you.
13. Lastly, buy an iPhone and play Candy Crush on it.
The golden rule of getting anything in this world is buying an iPhone. If you have an iPhone, you’re already better than 69% of the people. Add to that Candy Crush, and you’re the man!