We were a great couple, with my great heart and your great ego.

I know I am ugly, but when you were with me, you made me look good.

We were so playful, like an innocent kid plays with a diseased rescued dog.

You made me a stronger, more patient and more understanding person, by making me tolerate you. I always knew that after you, everything would be better, because with you I’ve hit rock-bottom.

And now that you’ve left me for that part-human, and I’m sad for him, happy for you and happiest for myself. And, I wish nothing but the worst for you.

1. I wish you guys get married and he sings Honey Singh songs to your baby.

2. I wish you guys go to McDonalds for your first date.

3. I wish he sexts you on your other number that your mom uses now.

4. I wish your Dad catches you guys in his garage.

5. I wish he’s gay and chooses your brother over you and friend-zones, sister-zones and later sister-in-law-zones you!

6. I wish you go to Thailand for your honeymoon. And he loses you at Nana street.

7. I wish he corrects your grammar all the time, you grammatically impaired imp!

8. I wish he gifts you a rabid baboon on Valentine’s Day.

9. I wish he gives you love, comfort, empathy and herpes.

10. I wish your love story is like a Hollywood movie. You know, like ‘Gone Girl’.

11. I wish the condom breaks.

12. I wish he gets you clothes all the time. Used undergarments from the beach!

13. I wish his old perv of a dad hits on you.

14. I wish he’s into SnM.

15. I wish he smells like a skunk and keeps hugging you all day.

16. I wish he gives you fungal infection. Everywhere.

17. I wish he’s a hardcore moral police man. And his father is a Khaanp Panchayat leader.

18. I wish he has Rani Mukherjee’s voice, Om Puri’s face, Uday Chopra’s intellect and KRK’s attitude.

Thanks for everything, BIATCH!

[DISCLAIMER: We hate this guy and are glad his girlfriend finally broke up with him.]