I Woke Up Thirsty Reached For Some Water And Drank My Contact Lenses. #MyDrunkStory

— allnet (@whoopiepie10) March 13, 2018

#MyDrunkStory I got drunk and thought it would be funny to make an entire Instagram filled with only pictures of my forehead

— anthony (@anthonysawesome) March 14, 2018

My friend got so drunk last night, we went to the tattoo shop across the street and he got Brad tattooed in his arm pit so he has a Brad Pitt tattoo… #MyDrunkStory pic.twitter.com/XpWxyCC2Bh

— Mr. magorium (@mc_125) March 14, 2018

You know you’re on a different level of #drunkness If you walk into bar and the bartender ask you “Hey! Can I get you a glass of water.” #drunk #alcohol #beer #liquor #sodrunk

— That Guy Who Says Things #9824 (@ThatGuy9824) April 4, 2019

Saw a guy eat a dollar at the bar and wash it down with a pint of beer. What a time to be alive. 🍺💵#drunkstories #theshityousee

— Tamera (@Mini_Mustache) February 17, 2019

I worked as a nurse in the ER. The ambulance brought in a drunk guy. While helping him walk to the bathroom he bumped into a mirror, looked at his reflection and said “Oh, excuse me”. #MyDrunkStory

— Ken (@TorpedoCaptain) March 14, 2018

#MyDrunkStory I called who i thought was my best friend to complain about how much i hated someone. I called that person I hated.

— leah (@itsleahbale) March 13, 2018

I’ll never forget when I stole a cupcake & when they asked who did it I said Idk not knowing I had chocolate on my face 😂 #DrunkStories

— Aniyaaa☪ (@AFlores_2) January 12, 2017

I was so lit last night I told a random girl I loved her and she told me her boyfriend was gonna shoot me. My drunk ass responded back I’m ready to die 😂. #drunkstories

— Arnold (@Arnold561) April 30, 2018

Just saw the drunkest man on earth, sitting at the bar with his hand raised. Can someone answer his fucking question already?!? #sodrunk #wiskeybusiness #shenanegans

— Kelli (@JKelli1715) August 25, 2018

Friend: Menu le aao.
Waiter: Sir, which one? food or drinks?
Friend: Veg!#DrunkStories

— Sarcastic Singh (@sarcastic_singh) December 17, 2017

I started to make a sandwich one night but was so hungry I couldn’t wait and just stuffed the bread in my mouth. I woke up the next morning with the bread still in my mouth. #DrunkStories

— Von Vino (@Tivon_Vino) November 20, 2017

My Dad caught me out at the bar.
He said, you’ve been drinking like a fish so you better not drive.
I said, Ok, I’ll swim.#MyDrunkStory

— ☔ Wayne Dwops ☔ says Elmer Fudd (@WarrenBovin) March 14, 2018

Uber driver said I was smart when the other girl in the car asked for my number but I gave my snapchat instead. 🤷🏼‍♀️ #drunkstories

— Sarah B. (@SLRBeast) June 24, 2017

My mate was so drunk last night&had 4missed calls& weird texts.Took a while to figure out she was calling and texting herself! #DrunkStories

— ClaireBear (@ClaireBear101) June 4, 2017

Went to a wedding with my conservative Indian family and woke up under the refreshments table in the hospitality room the next morning after too many Scotch and Sodas. Everyone gave me the dirtiest looks at breakfast but I was in too much pain to care. #MyDrunkStory

— Yagna Vudathu (@revdeepington) March 14, 2018

Now that I’ve discovered how to order on Amazon Prime… Drunk Jason keeps sending sober Jason random gifts. This week was a sword, 2 throwing knives, and an astrology book. #amazon #ninjas #drunkstories #drunkninja

— Jason Villanueva (@JVilla118) February 1, 2019

I got so drunk that I went up to my roof, switched my phone to airplane mode and flung it at the sky hoping it would take off… It didn’t.#MyDrunkStory

— DebrajSwamessi (@MessedUpJack) March 13, 2018

My friend sold her juul for a piece of pizza #drunkstories

— Grace (@grace_fraker) September 4, 2018

I once spilled beer on my socks at a party and decided that the quickest way for me to dry them off was a minute or two in the microwave… I left the kitchen with someone yelling out “Who’s cooking a sock?!” #MyDrunkStory @jimmyfallon

— Daniel Del Pozo (@The_DDP) March 13, 2018

So apparently when I get drunk I like to talk to homeless people after getting kicked out of the club. #drunkstories #drunkaf #drunk

— jazz_oh_mean (@bandchick123) December 30, 2016

“I hooked up with a guy dressed as one direction because he was British” #drunkfriends

— Wine Direction (@Wine_Direction) July 8, 2015

The most craziest shit I ever done when I was drunk. I literally drove my friend car into the lake because I thought I was driving a boat.. 😵 #Hashtag #confessions #drunkstories

— Bryson 💉 11/02/17 💉 (@_prettyboibry_) May 13, 2019

I asked this foo if he was from this city… & he looked me dead in the eye & said “it’s 3:23” dude was so serious😂😂#drunkaf

— FRANKIE (@frankiews_sa) June 28, 2019

One time I fell asleep trying to set my alarm…on my phone’s calculator. #MyDrunkStory

— HAVE MERCY (@HaveMercyMD) March 16, 2018

One of the first nights I ever got drunk in front of my ex’s parents, I woke up the next morning and couldn’t remember anything from the night before.

Apparently I had spent the majority of the night explaining to my ex’s father what my favorite kind of porn was #MyDrunkStory

— Suzanna☽ (@Suzanna_Rosee) March 15, 2018

Went out with $20. Woke up with $250, 3 lighters, 2 phones & keys to someone else’s car #MyDrunkStory

— Asher Nepia (@AsherNepia) March 13, 2018