Or if you really wanna go hard, grab a few (read: many) drinks and remind the world that drunk people are alcohol’s gift to humanity.
The weekend is finally here and it is time for some well-earned rest.
I Woke Up Thirsty Reached For Some Water And Drank My Contact Lenses. #MyDrunkStory— allnet (@whoopiepie10) March 13, 2018
#MyDrunkStory I got drunk and thought it would be funny to make an entire Instagram filled with only pictures of my forehead— anthony (@anthonysawesome) March 14, 2018
I worked as a nurse in the ER. The ambulance brought in a drunk guy. While helping him walk to the bathroom he bumped into a mirror, looked at his reflection and said “Oh, excuse me”. #MyDrunkStory— Ken (@TorpedoCaptain) March 14, 2018
#MyDrunkStory I called who i thought was my best friend to complain about how much i hated someone. I called that person I hated.— leah (@itsleahbale) March 13, 2018
I’ll never forget when I stole a cupcake & when they asked who did it I said Idk not knowing I had chocolate on my face 😂 #DrunkStories— Aniyaaa☪ (@AFlores_2) January 12, 2017
I was so lit last night I told a random girl I loved her and she told me her boyfriend was gonna shoot me. My drunk ass responded back I’m ready to die 😂. #drunkstories— Arnold (@Arnold561) April 30, 2018
Friend: Menu le aao.— Sarcastic Singh (@sarcastic_singh) December 17, 2017
Waiter: Sir, which one? food or drinks?
I started to make a sandwich one night but was so hungry I couldn’t wait and just stuffed the bread in my mouth. I woke up the next morning with the bread still in my mouth. #DrunkStories— Von Vino (@Tivon_Vino) November 20, 2017
My Dad caught me out at the bar.— ☔ Wayne Dwops ☔ says Elmer Fudd (@WarrenBovin) March 14, 2018
He said, you’ve been drinking like a fish so you better not drive.
I said, Ok, I’ll swim.#MyDrunkStory
Uber driver said I was smart when the other girl in the car asked for my number but I gave my snapchat instead. 🤷🏼♀️ #drunkstories— Sarah B. (@SLRBeast) June 24, 2017
My mate was so drunk last night&had 4missed calls& weird texts.Took a while to figure out she was calling and texting herself! #DrunkStories— ClaireBear (@ClaireBear101) June 4, 2017
Went to a wedding with my conservative Indian family and woke up under the refreshments table in the hospitality room the next morning after too many Scotch and Sodas. Everyone gave me the dirtiest looks at breakfast but I was in too much pain to care. #MyDrunkStory— Yagna Vudathu (@revdeepington) March 14, 2018
Now that I’ve discovered how to order on Amazon Prime… Drunk Jason keeps sending sober Jason random gifts. This week was a sword, 2 throwing knives, and an astrology book. #amazon #ninjas #drunkstories #drunkninja— Jason Villanueva (@JVilla118) February 1, 2019
I got so drunk that I went up to my roof, switched my phone to airplane mode and flung it at the sky hoping it would take off… It didn’t.#MyDrunkStory— DebrajSwamessi (@MessedUpJack) March 13, 2018
I once spilled beer on my socks at a party and decided that the quickest way for me to dry them off was a minute or two in the microwave… I left the kitchen with someone yelling out “Who’s cooking a sock?!” #MyDrunkStory @jimmyfallon— Daniel Del Pozo (@The_DDP) March 13, 2018
“I hooked up with a guy dressed as one direction because he was British” #drunkfriends— Wine Direction (@Wine_Direction) July 8, 2015
I asked this foo if he was from this city… & he looked me dead in the eye & said “it’s 3:23” dude was so serious😂😂#drunkaf— FRANKIE (@frankiews_sa) June 28, 2019
One time I fell asleep trying to set my alarm…on my phone’s calculator. #MyDrunkStory— HAVE MERCY (@HaveMercyMD) March 16, 2018
One of the first nights I ever got drunk in front of my ex’s parents, I woke up the next morning and couldn’t remember anything from the night before.— Suzanna☽ (@Suzanna_Rosee) March 15, 2018
Apparently I had spent the majority of the night explaining to my ex’s father what my favorite kind of porn was #MyDrunkStory