This Valentine’s Day, we present to you the love life that you’ll never have. And while you’d think any love story would do, this one is really special. Hugh Hefner is to Charlie Sheen, what Charlie Sheen is to you. Here’s the highlight of Hugh’s life in a quote:

“Picasso had his pink period and his blue period. I am in my blonde period right now.”

He has dated blondes all his life except his first wife and his latest wife. It sounds weird, but that is what great people do! Weird things! And blondes!

1. He knew what he’ll be ever since he was 4!

When you and I were drawing mountains and valleys, and crows that looked like inverted ‘v’, Hugh Hefner was flying toy jets and sketching the future pipe-smoking, womanizer cowboy he’d grow on to become. The ladies man.

2. His pick-up technique was simple and flawless!

The beauty of his technique lies in the arrogant simplicity. Also, the money he had and the car he drove and the Playboy empire he created, and… you know, those little details.

3. He dated the hottest twins in the world! Double score!

While we only dream of it, this guy found the hottest twins in the world and bam!

4. He partied so hard… I mean worked so hard! Interchangeable!

While we lay there, cribbing about work and struggle hard to strike a work-life balance, Hugh worked hard and partied harder! Maybe because his work was looking at beautiful women and partying with them, but let’s not take anything away from him. He’s a hero!

5. He has the best work from home job any one can think of.

This guy is the coolest worker in the world. He works from home as he’s made his work his life. And what a life it is!

6. He’s the only one who can make fishing look fun.

His fishing expeditions are not the regular waiting for hours, smelling like the sea, getting bored as hell and contemplating killing yourself. He is fishing for glory on his huge ship, having a ball as he does it, while his girlfriends are fishing for compliments all the time. Team work!

7. He raises money for the most noble causes ever.

While we donate/think about donating for trivial causes like earthquake/Tsunami relief or stuff like that, Hugh raises money for far more important things, such as ‘The Hollywood Sign’! That’s right! His heroics made it possible for movie backgrounds to look cool while choppers fly near the mountains before crashing at Bruce Willis’ feet.

8. He has brigades of ‘bunnies’ for every mood.

While we are busy working hard at IT firms and other slave storehouses, so we can maybe get a glimpse of a bunny one day, he’s got different brigade of bunnies, including the Jet Bunnies! Ridiculous!

9. He lives the ultimate movie night fantasy.

We watch movies to imagine what he’s doing while watching movies. What’s the point of watching the movie in the first place then, I dare ask?

10. He’s been with over 1000 different women!

Nothing left to say. To give you a perspective, we don’t get close to that in GTA!

11. He celebrates birthdays the way they are meant to be!

If I were promised that, I’d work hard all year! While we blow old candles on our mossy cake we bought ourselves, with our smelly breath, this is what this oldie gets in his 80’s!

12. He’s 88. He’s stocking stuff he can’t even use!

Oh lord, why such injustice? He doesn’t even need it. He can’t even do it. He won’t even be there! Aaah!

13. We’ve heard of 2-timing. He does 7-timing!

Now I’m not saying I promote or subscribe to this, but it’s worth mentioning, and admiring and WORSHIPING!

Happy Valentine’s Day in advance!