You know how sometimes you are taking a nap for 5 mins and then wake up and it’s 8 hours later? That is exactly how I feel going into 2022. I mean, we were supposed to be done with this crap in 21 days or something. 

And now, three years later, most of us need therapy!

You must have heard of this phrase, “Man makes plans. God laughs.” Well, can he f***ing stop laughing? It’s been three f***ing years, I have nearly died twice, had a pay cut, and I am almost 30 and my mum thinks I am unmarried because nobody will marry me. At least your mum has the decency to not say it to your face. 


I had plans in 2019, man. Instead, I woke up on a Monday morning reading about what the new Miss Universe’s parents think. The f**k do I care? I am still gonna have to get to work by 10.

This feels like a never-ending frat party, one you have to justify ever going to and worse, you have to justify to yourself. 

I don’t even remember what I did in 2020. And it’s not a side effect of COVID. My doctor told me, it’s a side effect of being a blithering idiot. 

I am just kidding, he didn’t really say that. He wants to me come back and pay him more money that I would have to if I went to a government hospital but socialised healthcare system in the country is a joke made at the expense of poor people. 

You can tell how messed up I feel right now because 9/10 of you won’t even get the meme you just scrolled through. And I knew that when I looked for it. 

Look, we could talk about COVID but let’s be honest, you don’t really want to talk about it. You are just fine doing what is being done in the GIF you are about to scroll through but will completely miss the point of. 


Two years have just gone by listening to celebrities pretending that they are the same as us. Well, I am sorry Gal Gadot but most of us think Palestinians deserve to live as they please. 


Oh, and that whole COVID song was ridiculous too. My bad for letting my emotions get the better of me. But having been a part of the IDF, I am sure you can empathise. 


Moving on to other white people, why have you been so stupid these last 3 years? Your ancestors didn’t travel across oceans and colonise us so that you can die of the flu because you think taking vaccinations are infringing upon your fundamental rights. 

Also, stop hoarding vaccines and issuing travel bans because the virus keeps mutating. That’s what happens when you hoard vaccines, you daft pricks! The longer people remain unvaccinated, the more dangerous the virus becomes. You have an excess of it, just give it to countries that don’t. 

What else happened in the last 3 years? Oh yeah, Americans abandoned Afghanistan and then weeks later announced movies about American soldiers helping Afghanistan in the midst of a Taliban takeover. 

Jake Gyllenhaal is gross, never takes a bath and didn’t treat Taylor Swift right!


What’s next? What now? Oh, you don’t care? Exactly, neither do I. But I have to wake up tomorrow morning and do this again, as will you with your job. 

Such is the futility of our existence under this unending tyranny of capitalism, our lives reduced to the jobs we do, running from one appraisal cycle to another, a working-class stooge perpetually caught up on the pipe dream of becoming the ruling class someday, a pipe dream regardless. 

And lo and behold, it’s 2022.