Baba Ramdev is super! Everything about him is super! That's exactly what got me wondering what's his secret. And one day after a long shower, everything fell into place like a solved jig-saw puzzle. He sure is out of the world, but literally.
His first name is 'Baba'! That should have been my first clue! He defies gravity. Newton's laws don't apply on him. He claims he can cure AIDS and Cancer using weird body movements. He attracts creatures like Rakhi Sawant. He studied ancient Indian cave art. He can survive for weeks without eating anything at all. And he does not like Cheese-burst pizza!
He claims that the left part of his body was paralyzed, and he cured it with yoga. But how did he do Yoga with a paralyzed body? I have a feeling, he was attacked by Men In Black, or something. Anyway, here are signs that suggest there's something alien-y about the guy.
1. There is very little information about his past.
According to the records, he was born in 1965 as Ramakrishna Yadav. Then he went to the Himalayas to 'practice yoga', and re-appeared as 'Baba Ramdev'. A little too convenient, isn't it?
Some say, his friend once played the movie 'Men In Black'. He got really scared and ran away from home.
Here is a news clipping while he was 'away' from home.
2. His left eye blinks and fluctuates like a tube light.
Secret sources suggest that it happens every-time the mother ship sends messages into his memory chip.
3. He has lab fear.
He does not like to have his body tested. Even in an emergency, he would limit it to minimal check-up.
4. He is made of super-flexible alien material.
It's the same material Superman uses for his super elastic costume.
5. He has alien super-hair follicles.
That's where he gets his out of the world hair growing ability.
6. He can cure homosexuality.
While that sounds really absurd on our planet, apparently it's a norm on his home planet, 'Nofufu'. He is certainly attracting weird 'creatures', though.
7. His alien medicine is super effective.
But it also keeps adding alien genes to you. He won't stop expanding until they create a breed of walking 'Velcro straps' all around the world.
8. He is building a Death Star.
He sells super glue for anti hair-fall hair-oil. Why does a saint need so much money? He's saving up to build his Death Star.
9. He loves gobar, gou-mutra and everything cow.
And we all know the alien-cow equation now, don't we? Is he the one stealing our cows?
10. He is surprisingly fast, strong and young.
A lot of people have started noticing that Baba Ramdev does not age and is surprisingly strong for his size. While believers think it's yoga and Ayurveda, there are people who attribute that to his super human abilities.
11. He is always out in the sun.
All his sessions and events are out in the open. He stresses on 'Suryanamaskaras' everyday, and after 'Koi Mil Gaya', I get it.
12. He's a master of disguise.
He can take any form! Well, almost any.
13. He is scared of cheese.
Everyone has their 'Kryptonite'. The legend has it, Cheese renders his flexi-powers useless. He also advocates against junk food and soft drinks. Look what cheese did to him, this one time.
Believers will believe. Followers will beat the shit out of me. But whatever happens, it's always good to have theories and take precautions, right?