A Twitter celebrity and a master of puns, Ramesh Srivats is the creator of the ‘IPL Fantasy League’. He completed his engineering from IIT, Madras and his MBA from IIM, Ahmedabad; he resembles Sanjay Dutt from Agneepath, and still manages to be a cool (old)guy.
His tweets have won him the Best Indi Microblog award. His opinions on politics, cricket and life in general are worth sharing. Also they’re funny. So here’s a compilation of his tweets that show up on Twitter, currently.
1. Politicians in general
I love the way politicians who lose keep talking about “respecting the verdict of the people”, as if they have two or three other options.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) May 16, 2014 2. BJP bashing
Hey BJP, why so much delay in your manifesto? Just give Gujarat tourism brochure, no?
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) April 3, 2014 3. Congress bashing
Sonia Gandhi has a rally in Ramgarh today? Ramgarh? From Sholay? Where Gabbar once said, “Yeh haath mujhe de de Thakur.”?
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) April 4, 2014 4. AAP bashing
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they throw ink on you, then they slap you, then you whine.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) April 4, 2014 5. Yeah. Do that.
Ah. So, Mulayam thinks that rape is just “boys committing mistakes.” Boss. You first change the name of your party to Nasamajhwadi Party.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) April 10, 2014 6. Oh, that’ll be painful.
I’ve always supported Baba Ramdev for PM. He’ll help us make our ends meet. Literally, that is.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) April 26, 2014 7. Old but bold
Today, ND Tiwari got married at the age of 88. After which, the priest and all the elders arounds sought the blessings of the bridegroom.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) May 15, 2014 8. Apply purified water to burnt area.
And why put Uma Bharti in charge of cleaning the Ganga, when we have Hema Malini, the leading expert on Kent Water Purifiers?
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) May 28, 2014 9. Those are your choices.
☐ Shiv Sena is anti social-network. ☐ Shiv Sena is anti-social network. ☐ Both of the above.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) June 1, 2014 10. She’ll take them all.
Ugh. Delhi is so hot that it surely can spare a couple of degrees for Smriti Irani
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) June 4, 2014 11. ‘ Didi rules ‘
Pepe gets a red card. Which means – a) He’s out of this match b) He can’t play the next match c) Mamata won’t let him enter West Bengal
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) June 16, 2014 12. That’s as good an explanation as any.
*Not saying anything about Rahul Gandhi. Scared to make fun of someone who has Zzzz category security.*
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) July 9, 2014 13. Pratibha Patil- ‘The traveller’
Wow. #Mangalyaan has travelled 680 million kilometres. That’s the most by any Indian entity since Pratibha Patil.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) September 24, 2014 14. 3 Levels of Mumbai
So, Mumbai operates at 3 levels – Elevated: Swanky flyovers, metro etc. Ground-level: Slums & general chaos. And of course, the underworld.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) June 8, 2014 15. Nemo sad.
SL releases Indian fishermen. Pakistan releases Indian fishermen. Great day for fishermen, friendship & everybody. Except fish, of course.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) May 25, 2014 16. Scotland independence referendum
Maybe Scotland and Iceland should merge off and form a country called Scotchontherocksland.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) September 18, 2014 17. Hate speech science
Formula for hate speech – 1. Say something nasty: Media notice. 2. Enjoy the coverage: People notice. 3. Now deny & escape: Legal notice.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) April 21, 2014 18. Dhoni doesn’t take singles.
Rayadu walks into a bar. Dhoni sends him back. Because it is a singles bar.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) September 7, 2014 19. Truth of life
The 3 inevitable things in life – Death, Taxes, India vs SL matches.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) April 4, 2014 20. Humans be like…
The height of human achievement is a machine that allows us to fly. And the depth of human stupidity is a weapon that can bring it down.
— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) July 17, 2014 