Have you ever beat the meat? Worked the pole? Made the bald man cry? Unless you’ve had a chastity belt bound to your junk since the day you hit puberty, you’ve probably indulged yourself to some degree. One might even say that it… comes naturally.

So when I tell you the mess that Reddit user ohnoes12345 stumbled into, be nice about it guys. He’s just one of us. But just for the luls, I’ll take you through this story.

Well then. That was a wild ride from start to finish. So what’s the lesson here guys? 

  • Don’t masturbate at work?
  • Don’t lie to try to get out out of a bad situation?
  • Always use a Kleenex?

We don’t know. I guess some stories don’t have a lesson. Just lol for a while and go to sleep guys. This shit is just too random. Fuck this, I’m out. 

*Outro intensifies*