But let’s focus solely on Sadhguru’s wisdom here, which is often incomprehensible and occasionally out of line. Sometimes it’s both, giving rise to a cosmic hell.

Anyway, here are some of his teachings that we spent way too much time on, only to be disappointed in the end.

1. The cow is one animal which responds to your own grief and sorrow. Suppose you are very miserable, the cow feels this and sheds tears for your pain.

Most animals can sense human pain in small or big ways but if you are sad and stand beside a cow thinking it will start crying, buddy do I have some bad news for you.

2. If you think hundred percent logically, there is really no possibility of life.

Do you know what actually ends the possibility of life? Not thinking logically and destroying the planet.

3. When a woman delivers twins, one breast will produce one type of milk and the other will produce another type of milk.

Yes, please tell everyone what women’s bodies can do without any medical knowledge or personal experience. We love it.

4. Rakshabandhan is a promise to protect the feminine – not because of fragility but for the value of fragrance.

How do I measure the value of my fragrance? Do I get more protection if the value is high? How does this work?

5. Too many people are hungry not because there is a dearth of food. It is because there is a dearth of love and care in human hearts.

I’d say it’s largely because of capitalism and lack of governance but okay.

6. If you eat a mango, this mango becomes a woman in you. If I eat a mango, the same mango becomes a man in me. If a cow eats a mango, the same mango becomes a cow in the cow. Why is this happening?

What is happening? Sir, you tell us, please. But on a side note, perfect opportunity to make the man-go joke. No? Okay.

7. Every life is happening the way it is happening because of a certain dimension of information or in modern terminology, let’s call it software. There is a certain software, which is an arrangement of information.

I have to admit I did not understand a word here. The last time this happened, I was reading Rushdie’s Midnight’s Children at age 15.

8. If you are doing yogasanas, once your biology adjusts itself to the planet’s biology, every morning, you will wake up by yourself between 3.20 and 3.40.

No thaaaaaanks.

9. Feminine is not a gender, it is a dimension.

Cool.

10. If you are not an issue, handling outside issues will not be a problem.

I am an issue, actually.

Still thinking about the mango that became a woman in my digestive system.