There are normal languages and then there’s lingo every employee is familiar with. It could come in a plethora of tongues but at the end of the day, all of it comes down to making your work more than you get paid.
1. We are a family.
Translation: We are going to treat you like crap because that’s what family does.
2. Do you have bandwidth?
Translation: There’s a ton of work coming your way and you’re going to have to cancel dinner plans.
3. We are going to have a get together.
Translation: Everyone is going to get drunk and talk behind everybody’s back and then pretend it’s all cool till the next get together.
4. Everyone who is starting their has to work harder.
Translation: We wanted an intern but you were so desperate for a job, we just couldn’t resist.
5. Weekends are off but…
Translation: Yeah, they are not off!
6. You’ve been smoking a lot.
Translation: You have been taking too many breaks.
7. Arey, aa jaaegi salary.
Translation: I don’t live paycheque to paycheque, hence, I don’t care.
8. HR ne bulaya hai meeting.
Translation: This is going to be a colossal waste of everyone’s time.
9. We are going to have some team activities.
Translation: We are going to try to give you free booze so that you can momentarily forget about how miserable your life is at work.
10. Did you leave early yesterday?
Translation: You left 10 minutes before time but we’re going to make it sound like you took a half-day.
11. Don’t worry about the appraisal.
Translation: Nahi milega! C*htiya banaya, bada mazaa aaya. *in chorus with HR*
12. The boss is always right.
Translation: You have to kiss my a**.
13. Can we call you after office hours if there’s an emergency?
Translation: There’s no emergency that requires you but we just want to exploit you for cheap labour.
14. When I was your age…
Translation: I am going to tell you a supposedly inspirational yet false story about how my generation did all the hard work, freeloader.
15. Can I ask why you wanted the leave?
Translation: We hope you tell us a story so that we can catch you in a lie.
There’s your enigma machine decoded. Now you know, how they are coming for you.