With the Academy Awards ceremony approaching, I am have two main questions as an Indian: What will Priyanka Chopra wear and what if the Oscars were held in India?

Now, Piggy Chops will look amazing in whatever she decides to wear. As for the latter, here’s what I would imagine things to be.

1. There would have been an opening performance by Nora Fatehi.

The Oscars usually start with a stand up from the host. That won’t work in India, because most of it is roasting and that word… na baba na. In India, we start with a dance sequence, which is incomplete without the saki saki girl.

Bollywood Hungama

2. There would have been a sketch with Shah Rukh dressed like Scarlett Johansson and Ranbir Kapoor dressed like Reese Witherspoon for no reason whatsoever. 

3. There would have been at least one person falling from the sky with the help of cables. We, in India, love that shit.

Jab takk khatron ke khiladi na lagne lage award ceremony, point hi kya hai?


4. No one would have paid attention to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie because Ranbir and Deepika are more important yaar

5. Salman would have received an award because ek baar bhai ne appearance dedi toh wo khud se bhi award le lete hain.

Leonardo ko nahin mila koi baat nahin, Salman has to.

Bollywood Infocus

6. International icon award would have gone to Amitabh Bachchan. 

With all due respect, Robert De Niro, sorry.

7. There would have been best jodi jo chehre pe muskaan le aaye award.

8. Award announcements would have been like: Pan Parag-Rajnigandha-Tata Steel-LIC Life Insurance-Zindagi ke saath bhi zindagi ke baad bhi award goes to…

9. Arijit Singh would have sung a mashup of all his hits.  

Americans don’t understand Tum Hi HoAashiqui 2 copy kar ke A Star Is Born kyun banayi phir?

10. And lastly, Rekha ji’s speech, because parampara pratishtha etc. 

‘Social media ka raaja award’ jaata hai Ryan Reynolds ko.

Creatives by: Muskan Baldodia