Dear fellow metro passenger,

Don’t angry me. 

Let me start with how difficult it is to find a seat in metro. It’s easier to find the eighth Dragon Ball. It’s easier to find chicken in veg biryani. It’s easier to have a conversation with my crush, without looking like an idiot. But no, getting a seat in the metro is as rare as a sighting of Ranveer Singh wearing simple jeans and a tshirt.

Sometimes, if I’m lucky and I do manage to get a seat, things look somewhat like this.

You know after all this, getting a seat in the metro is as happy a feeling, as finding your true love. It makes me happier than when my mom tells me ‘khaane mei Rajma Chawal bane hain‘. Yes, that is what it means to me.

So after all this, when you’re in the metro, and ask me to ‘shift’ or ‘thoda side plzzz‘ or ‘axecuse me‘ so that you can fit yourself in in the 1.2 inches between two seats, I’m not thinking “Oh, wow what a smart idea, you nice human being”. 

No. What I’m thinking is “What the fuck, are you crazy, you can’t fit in there, fuck you, seriously.”

Those 1.2 inches are there for a reason. You see that bulge in between two seats? That’s because you’re not supposed to sit there. That’s going to hurt my butt when I ‘shift’. If that bulge was alive and could speak, it would have said “Yes, the seat ends here, the second seat starts, you shouldn’t make people sit in between, and you should fuck off.”

And do you seriously think, you’re going to manage in that 1.2 inches? Because I have serious doubts.

No, you can’t just fit in there, no human can. You’ll end up taking 46.5% of my seat. A seat which I jumped for, as soon as the doors opened. A seat that is comforting my ass right now.

You aren’t entitled to 46.5% of my seat, just because you see that 1.2 inches of free space. What makes you think you can exploit my right to sit in a metro, and I’m supposed to stay silent?

I’m disappointed. Disappointed by the fact that we have inhuman people like these, who exploit our right to sit peacefully listening to music, and for once not travel with sweaty armpits of strangers in our faces. Is this the world we are headed towards?

The next time someone asks me to ‘shift a little bit’, I’m going to make him read this article.

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