If there’s one thing that India’s most dubiously popular yogi is famous for, it’s his obsession with cows nomenclature. The guy simply waves a saffron wand and buildings change names, cities change identities, and people change themselves. So imagine what he could do if he reviewed movies for a living.

1. Toofan – “So bad, they should have called it Hawa.”

2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – “This Voldemort guy looks (and acts) a lot like me! The movie shall now be called Voldemort and the Goblet of Gau Mutr.”

3. The Fast and the Furious – “Also known as my biopic.”

4. Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara – “All this stuff is not in our culture. I hereby rename this film Bal Mitra Gone Bad.”

5. Wake Up Sid – “First I eat aloo bonda, then I change the name of this film to JNU ka Launda.”

6. Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani – “Remember the film Limitless? Well they should call this movie Pointless.”

7. Rang De Basanti – “This film should be banned! Or at least change the name to Anti-National ki Dukaan.”

8. 3 Idiots – “3 Idiots? They might as well call it Opposition Leaders lol lol!”

9. Race 3 – “Aaj se iss film ka naam Heavy Driver.”

10. Jaane Tu… Ya Jaane Na – “I shall call this Anti-Romeo Squad Bulao.”

Wah Yogi ji, Wah.