Friends, family and foes, everyone was equally shocked. We were the perfect couple. Or, so they said. Four years is a long time apparently. Long enough to make people want to imagine you as the perfect pair, ready to walk down the aisle and live happily ever after in what could be the cheesiest way possible. 

Not that we weren’t happy. We were good. There was love, passion and a lot of excitement. We’d love spending hours together doing absolutely nothing of consequence. We had common interests and life together was quite amazing. 

Then, why the hell did we suddenly break up after four blissful years, right? 

Because we weren’t compatible. Actually, no, let me be more precise. For someone who couldn’t drive, she was obsessed with the idea of long drives at odd hours and I’ve hated driving for as long as I can remember. Naturally, it was the end of the road for us. 

Let’s just address the elephant in the room, right here, right now. 

Driving is not fun. It’s tiring, stressful and excessively irritating. And I can never, ever understand why some people find it therapeutic and relaxing. 

Agitated? Aghast? Or, simply appalled? 

Well, someone had to bullshit all the nonsense that goes around, right? All the Facebook statuses around the romanticism of driving even if it is late at night. All those Instagram selfies of people happily posing in their cars as if the seat-belt is making them shed kilos by the minute. All those long blog-posts about how driving is a soothing experience allowing people to sort out their heads and hearts and whatever else that needs addressing. 

It’s all bullshit. B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.

Driving is like having sex for the first time. No matter how much you’ve prepped, it’s inevitably going to turn out messy!

What is there to like about driving anyway?

Seat-belt fastened, you’re operating the steering wheel, clutch-braking your way on a road filled with potholes, cows, some other vehicles and the occasional pedestrians who somehow can never walk at the right place. 

Yes, you have your favourite music on full blast in your fancy car but what use is all of that when at the end of the day, it has to run on an Indian road where speed-breakers are high enough to almost send your car flying in the air, Rohit Shetty-style?!?

Not to forget all the zillion traffic jams that somehow always pop up on every single road. Like a thulla that emerges out of nowhere whenever a couple has done as little as hold hands in a nearby park. 

Amidst all this, who even has the time to think about their life or relax and enjoy themselves? 

“But what about a road-trip? Driving on the wide highways is definitely fun!“

To all those who believe in this, have you ever driven on a highway in India?

If you did, you’d know that all the myriad trucks and tempos have taken it upon themselves to never let you drive in peace. If you did, you’d know that the ‘beautiful’ view you think you’ll enjoy on the side of the roads involves kids from villages openly defecating and fellow travellers stopping randomly to take a piss on the road. 

Don’t let Bollywood movies fool you. Real life is not Dil Chahta Hai. Because you’re not driving a fancy convertible and your life isn’t full of chamkeele din. Movies don’t take into account pollution, traffic and dust. 

When Bollywood heroes drive a car, they generally run over a few innocent people. 

Saying that driving is enjoyable is such a juvenile statement to make. 

Yes, for someone who’s just got a car, driving is the best form of entertainment. But eventually, when they’ve spent a few months behind the wheels, stuck in jams and constantly worrying about following road safety rules, they realise that there wasn’t as much to driving as they thought. 

How can something that has the potential to kill you be therapeutic, enjoyable, soothing or fun? 

Driving is a chore. A necessity. Something we need to do. Just like cleaning the pot. But we don’t call that pleasurable, right?