[Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not of ScoopWhoop.]

The internet is a big black hole of useless jargon, overflowing with advice on how to make relationships work.

And every day, at least one person goes online and googles this:

Clearly (and strangely so), 'being friends with your ex' is a priority over every other relationship in your life. 

Also, if you have to Google how to make a relationship work, it is obviously not worth it. All sorts of garbage shows up and fucks with your head. 

However, there is no exact science behind it. Being friends with your ex is not a generic concept that can be applied universally. 

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And let's face it. Since you couldn’t make the relationship work, the chances are automatically pretty bleak. Also, it totally depends on the kind of people you both are. But if you're anything like my ex and I, then God help you.

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If you happen to be as dumb as I am, you will tell yourself lies like, 

"I can do this." or, "It's not that hard."

So, like a fool, I decided to go against the odds and tried to maintain a ‘normal’ friendship with my ex-boyfriend. 

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The fact that I’m dedicating my time to writing about it is clear that it wasn’t that easy. Or worth it, more so. Basically, let’s just say it felt like I had travelled back in time. (Take it from me, you don't want to do that).

Full disclosure: My ex and I always had a rocky relationship. 

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Even when we were dating, nothing came easy. Like Eminem says, "Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano". It was exactly like that. Two disasters waiting to get together to cause mayhem.

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Now a little bit about our relationship. We dated for nearly 2 years and I hardly have any 'good' memories from that time. 

But as my luck would have it, all the yelling, the fights, the crying, the blame games, etc. came to an abrupt end and I was free from it all. Free from a stressful relationship and a toxic person.

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I know it’s not fair to put the entire blame on him but hey, this is my story. I will be the hero of it if I want. He is free to put the blame on me when he tells his own. (Psst, he's also a writer).

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I immediately moved out of the city after we broke up. No, it wasn’t because of him. The college had just ended and it was time to leave. 

The timing fit like a glove.

We would occasionally get in touch with each other after I moved away. From a random "Hey, how are you doing?" to drunk "I miss you" texts.

But both of us knew there was no end to this loop and eventually decided to refrain from talking to each other. Also, he started dating someone else so it kind of got weird too. I mean, who wants to be the pathetic ex-girlfriend anyway?

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So, I went my own way and life was going on just fine for several months. 

Until one day he texted me.

That's when it all started again. He told me he had broken up with his girlfriend. It didn't matter to me romantically but the gateway to being friends with him opened up again. 

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I was with him for two whole years so the idea of keeping him around felt kind of nice. God, I wish someone had warned me against it. 

We were so used to speaking to each other that we decided that the ‘mature’ thing to do would be to become friends.

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I mean, two adults who dated before are capable of maintaining a friendship with each other now, right?

Wrong. So wrong. 

But disasters always wait for the right moment and it's usually when you're in too deep.

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In the beginning, we were great. We stayed in different cities, never met, had brief conversations and didn't know shit about each other’s life much. I think that is exactly why it felt so easy.

We would even talk on video calls occasionally and to be honest, it did feel nice.

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But good things don’t last for long and after two years of perfect harmony, my ex-boy got a job in the same city I was in. And well, let’s just say things went downhill from there.

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I was already in two minds about him being in the same city as I am after not being around each other for so long. But like a fool, I assured myself that it would be okay.

Big mistake.

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To be honest, I thought things would have changed and he would've grown up in two years. I mean, I changed A LOT in these couple of years so I assumed it would be the same for him.

So, like a good 'friend', I invited him over the moment he got here. I was aware that he only has a handful of friends in the city so I should make sure he doesn't feel lonely. 

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To be honest, the first time wasn't that bad. We chilled, talked a lot and it just felt like old times. I guess that was the problem.

Old times is exactly what ruined everything before and like an ignorant idiot, I didn't realise it.

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And with this, the frequency of our conversations significantly increased. It was fine at first but then it started getting out of hand.

If I wouldn't reply to his texts for a couple of hours, he would start spamming me with more texts or calls, asking if I'm mad at him.

I just told myself he's new to the city and is probably just lonely.

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So, I decided that the best thing to do would be to take him out and get him to socialise. With my friends. (Someone should really smack me for all the dumb ideas I execute)

The night started off nice. I took him out to this bar my friends and I usually hang out at. 


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Here, I was trying to keep things as casual as possible. Then the last thing I needed at the time happened.

A boy I was seeing for a couple of months recently walked in. 

Another quick fact about my ex: He loves to pick up fights. 

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The boy walked up to me and said hi. My ex knows all my expressions to the tee and immediately realised what's up.

To make matters worse, he joined us and introduced himself, making sure to add that he's my ex. It took less than a few seconds for the three of us to get super awkward and I finally chose to excuse myself to go to the washroom.

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I decided that the best thing to do would be to leave so I came out and asked my ex if it's okay that we leave now.

(He stays very far from where we were so he was crashing at my place. Another mistake)

After that, nothing was normal. He behaved weirdly all night and I just refrained from making any conversation whatsoever.

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It made me realize that this is exactly why my ex and I can't be friends. This need to feel entitled to the other one's personal life, the jealousy, the unpleasantness is something that I wanted to stay away from.

But it is exactly what came my way. I was warned that being in the same city won't be a good idea but I guess I had to try it out to know for sure.

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It's been a while now since we've spoken after that night. And I believe, in order to avoid feeling like I'm trapped again, I chose to not be friends with him anymore.

If there's anything that I've learnt from this experience is that two people who dated can be friends but only if they give each other the respect they deserve. One's personal space is their own, especially if two people are no longer together.