“ Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions. ” - Deepak Chopra
We all know that sex does wonders to our body and mind. And of course, when done right, it feels great! The statistics, however, are rather depressing. According to one study , 1 in 3 women have trouble having an orgasm. That’s 30%! I personally know a few too many who have never orgasmed. These are perfectly healthy women who are intelligent, attractive and funny, but fail to achieve pleasure under the sheets.
In our country, women are raised with a culture of shame around sex. A woman’s body is not her own, but something to be protected until she gets married after which, it becomes the tool through which she pleasures her man.
The sex talk delivered to soon-to-be brides is often one that tailors sex as a duty. There is hardly any mention of a woman enjoying the act as well. It’s not surprising then, that so many of us have deep-seated psychological blocks against enjoying sex. Here are just a few:
Sex is something not to be talked about. So many women struggle with even saying the word 'SEX' out loud. If there is so much shame around the word itself, imagine the shame we carry around the act!
Media has fed us all with unrealistic standards of a perfect body. Nobody has a perfect body. We all have cellulite, stretch marks, flab, scars, body hair and whatnot. A beautiful body is an imperfect body, intact in its originality.
Everybody knows that women fart and queef in bed. It's natural. It's okay. It can be funny if you learn to laugh at yourself.
I have heard too many women say that they find their vagina "icky" or "gross." Yes, this again has been fed to us by society, but if we don't think our body parts are beautiful, how do we expect someone else to think so?
Not knowing because you don't have experience is one thing, but many women shy away from exploration because of underlying shame / guilt and never really find out what they like.
Contrary to what we have been told, men like for their women to take charge in bed. A man would appreciate being told how to pleasure you more than you faking an orgasm!
Again something that patriarchy has taught us - the only purpose of a woman's body is to pleasure her man and to procreate. Not true. Sexual satisfaction is your prerogative.
This could be a manifestation of shame, guilt or a need to please others. But when you spend all your sexual energy for the pleasure of your partner without asking for anything in return, you will soon begin to resent sex.
If the man you're with questions your character because you enjoy sex, walk away. IMMEDIATELY.
Forcing yourself to achieve orgasm will make sure that you never do. This becomes a vicious cycle, extending beyond isolated attempts. Don't think too much about making sure you orgasm. Just enjoy the ride.
If you want to have good sex, the most important thing is to relax and simply enjoy the process.
La petit mort .