If you’re a citizen of the world today, you only have two choices. 

To smoke or not to smoke. 

Ideally, no one should choose the former. Smoking is, believe it or not, totally injurious to your health. However, many people, year after year, choose to while away their lives with a cigarette perched between their lips. 

But even if you’re the sensible one and have chosen to not smoke, don’t get too excited because like it or not, smokers everywhere will ensure you’re smoking anyway. Indirectly, or as the word goes, passively. 

They’ll ensure that even if you don’t smoke, you’re well aware of how it is to feel like one. 

Because let’s be a bit blatant, shall we? Smokers are assholes. Like, serious assholes!

E Cigarette

No matter where you go, there’s just no escaping the whiff of a cigarette.

When I was growing up, smoking wasn’t prohibited in public areas. Naturally then, every corner of the street would have someone puffing away to glory. 

Thankfully though, now there’s a ban on smoking in public places. However, to think that it has deterred smokers would be like living in a dream world. 

So what if they can only smoke in a designated area? They’ll come out of that space, stand right next to your face and talk to you right after they’ve had a smoke. And that too, without the consumption of any kind of mouth freshener! 

As if tolerating bad breath wasn’t bad enough, now, there’s bad breath in a new cigarette flavour too! 

Pipe Depot

If you’re at a house party, God save you from mannerless smokers!

You could be calmly enjoying your drink, engaging in scintillating conversation and generally having a great time. But there’d be one (or more) douche-bag smoker who’s life is all about destroying everyone else’s peace and sanity.

Even before you know, it’ll pop out, stare at you in the face and before you know it, it’ll be time for the blow job. 

Why do smokers always assume that everyone around them is a smoker or totally okay with passive smoking? 

I’ve never been asked by ANY smoker, EVER if I’m okay dying a silent death while they’re busy puffing away their lives on their own. 

Basic human decency? Politeness? Or, manners? These words are completely alien to smokers!

The Times

If you’re a smoker, the world is your ashtray!

Don’t believe me? Just take a good look around you. If you don’t see cigarette stubs decorating your surroundings, you, my friend, are extremely lucky. 

Whether it is at work or public spaces, I haven’t seen many roads, walls and corners that haven’t been ‘decorated’ with cigarette stubs. 

Who needs an ashtray when you can simply crush you cigarette on the ground, right? Screw you, Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan. 


Smokers also have it easier at work.

For non-smokers, it’s only the usual lunch break. But for smokers, there’s a cigarette break, every goddamn hour. 

Just wrapped up a presentation? Ek cigarette before the next one. Finished a meeting? Let’s go for a smoke. Facing a writer’s block? Time for a drag! 

I’ve often wondered why my boss has never, ever raised an issue over this. But then I remember, he’s a smoker too! 

If this isn’t unfair, what else is?


I do understand that for smokers, it’s an addiction.

They can’t help it. If they could, they would’ve kicked the butt in a jiffy. Or, may be they just enjoy it way too much. Whatever it is, it’s none of my business. 

To each their own, right? But if only smokers kept their smoking just to themselves. 

No matter where you go, the cigarette smoke is following you.

If only they understood that just like they’re not used to not smoking, non smokers aren’t used to the taste, smell and whiff of a cigarette. We don’t want them to talk to us just after they’ve smoked. We don’t want them to start smoking while talking to us if they’ve not made sure we’re okay about it. And we don’t want to see ghosts of their cigarettes past lurking down every street and corner. 

But since they can’t kick the butt, maybe their butt deserves a kick!