This is the kalyug that our grandparents used to talk about. Times-a-changing as India is on a ban-everything spree. These bans, pan-country or statewide, are irrelevant for all of them have a saas-bahu tussle kind of archaic feel to them. The latest kid on the block is the comeback-star Porn.
While the government is happily, and dictatorially, pulling the plug on 857 sites owing to the fact that they spread ‘nuisance’ and disturb the moral fabric of our mahaan (topping the rape-charts) nation, they are quite stupidly also banning some sites that have nothing to do with pornography, for example Collegehumor.com, ledauphine which is a French local newspaper site. Why would you ban that?
Yeah, so we checked, and most of the popular porn sites as of today, August 4, 2015, have been blocked. Some are still up and running (issued in public interest) we won’t tell you which ones, though. While accessing and possessing porn was alright thus far, manufacture and publication of X-rated content had been made illegal in India. Ok. Er. Now both are.
2. BBC Documentary India’s Daughter
Because the government is too lazy to do anything else about the safety situation in the country. Too bad we know how to download.
Because gai hamari mata hai . Want to cook your mother-like animal? Blasphemous! (One butter chicken, one burrah kebab and two fish cutlets please! Because all other species are inconsequential for India’s evolution.)
High levels of lead and MSG were found in Maggi noodles which led to an eventual ban on it across India. Indian sourced Maggi, however, when tested in Canada and UK were found to be edible and OK for consumption. Yes, we smell a conspiracy against an entire generation in India.
50 shades of Grey , Paanch , Fire and other films that were banned in India. But accessing porn was allowed, till now.
6. ‘Lesbian’ word
Because that will stop her from being one. While we are at it, ban ‘wheat complexion’ also. Half of India’s worries solved.
7. Smoking in public places
The only ban that makes sense.
8. Homosexuality, “unnatural sex”
Because if sodomy is to ever be addressed, the judiciary will have to acknowledge homosexuality in India. Vicious circle sir. Nope. Indians only do it missionary style.
9. Sex toys
Pleasure for the self? No we do not believe in it. We do believe in mass manufacture of gun-shaped pichkaris and toys for our children.
What ban? Marijuana is banned in India? But my friend bought it from a cop the other day…
11. AIB roast
Arrest him. What did I do, sir? You made people laugh.
Wendy Doniger’s The Hindus ; Salman Rushdie’s The Satanic Verses and other books banned in India. Because words are like weapons. They allow a thinking mind. Dangerous. Very.
13. Communist Party of India (Maoist)
Because the state wants to be an ostrich. And smart-cities will lead to the development of tribals.
14. Bikinis in Goa
Let’s give the videshi tourists a visa-on-arrival with a complimentary saree!
15. Dance bars in Mumbai
Because somehow that will stop the ‘male patrons’.
16. Lingerie clad mannequins in Mumbai
Now that there are no more dance bars, mannequins were where the ‘male patrons’ turned to.
17. Kishore Kumar’s songs
And believe it or not, 40 years ago Kishore Kumar’s songs were banned on All India Radio as he refused to support the Emergency.
Where the mind is fearful, head hangs in shame,
In that land of banal bans, my country awakes today.
(This post was originally written in March 2015 when BBC documentary India’s Daughter and Beef had been banned. We have updated it to include newer bans in India.)