On Vijayadasami, the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh better known as the RSS celebrated its 90th birthday. Senior Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) leaders such as union Minister Nitin Gadkari and Maharashtra Chief Minister Devendra Fadnavis were among those present at the annual Dussehra speech in Nagpur where RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat addressed Swayamsevaks in Nagpur.

Even Prime Minister Narendra Modi, a former RSS member himself, couldn't hold back the happiness of RSS turning 90.

Facing bans, allegations of anti-minority violence (read Muslims and Christians) and barrage of criticism for their Hindu nationalism ideals from Indian liberals and 'sickulars', the world's largest 'voluntary non-governmental organisation' has come a long way. And May 2014 really is the pinnacle of its success. They have given us so many things and continue to give, on an almost daily basis.

Here's a look at nine learnings from Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh's 90 Years:

Source: PTI

1. Equality

The word 'equality' carries repercussions in current scenario. If you bat for equality, you are no less than a demon who'll be lynched on Twitter if not on the street. This is why it might look a bit out of context to discuss the concept of equality when you are discussing the RSS. But RSS, just like the fundamental principles guaranteed under the Constitution of India, too believes in equality (read secularism).

Read this from RSS Sarsanghchalak from (1940-1973) M S Golwalkar.

"The non-Hindu people of Hindustan must either adopt Hindu culture and languages, must learn and respect and hold in reverence the Hindu religion, must entertain no idea but of those of glorification of the Hindu race and culture...in a word they must cease to be foreigners; Or may stay in the country, wholly subordinated to the Hindu nation, claiming nothing, deserving no privileges, far less any preferential treatment— not even citizens' rights."

It's time to perhaps redefine Indian secularism.

2. Chadhis are never out of fashion

RSS believes that discipline, dedication and physical training, are a must to cultivate a sense of unity and brotherhood among the Swayamsevaks. If you thought wearing Chadhis was only a school affair, RSS will prove you wrong. They haven't changed their Chadhis since inception although some of them now prefer to wear Churidar Pajamas and designer suits when they go to US and China.

3. Loving Hitler is not wrong

If Jews find you praising Hitler in 21st century, you'll be termed as an antisemite. And maybe Israel and some of its allies might deny you permission to enter those countries. But the norm perhaps doesn't apply to the RSS or maybe Jews have a short memory.

We wonder what will Benjamin Netanyahu's reaction be when (of if he already knows) he learns top RSS leaders praised Hitler when he was "upholding his race" in concentration camps during the World War II.

4. Politics is bad

Saying the RSS is a political organisation is as preposterous as slaughtering a cow now in Dadri. Right? The RSS doesn't know politics; it simply doesn't do politics. They are just busy doing " social work" by wielding lathis and swords. That a big number of power holders from Delhi's Race Course to Jammu and Kashmir's Assembly were cuddled and groomed in RSS is just a mere coincidence.

No other work matters when you (read government) is summoned by RSS to "discuss and exchange ideas" for complete three days in the national capital. Akhlaq's and Kalburgi's can wait to die.

5. The West is corrupting Indian culture

This is such a common rant these days that even historians are confused about who said it first. So when government leaders pledge to RSS that they "will cleanse every area of public discourse that has been westernised and where Indian culture and civilisation need to be restored - be it the history we read or our cultural heritage or our institutes that have been polluted over years," it virtually becomes a crime to love a person from other religion, another country or wear tight clothes.

6. Gau jal is better than Pepsi and Coca-Cola

While their once Swayamsevak who happens to be India's Prime Minister now flocks to Western countries so that they extend their capitalistic web by sweeping farmers from his land, in 2009, RSS turned against Pepsi and Coca-Cola for "corrupting Indian culture" and introduced cow urine with flavors such as aloe vera and some Ayurvedic herbs.

All we know is that the "cow urine is known to treat up to 80 different incurable diseases, including diabetes." Wonder why thousands of diabetic patients die each year in India when they have such a cure available just in the cow shed.

7. Protesting against the government is anti-Hindu and anti-National

As if Pakistan had vanished to a black hole that RSS started training its guns on IITs and IIMs which are being used for "anti-national and anti-Hindu" activities. Add to this a religious colour and you will have people baying for your blood. So next time when you plan to protest for your justice and honour make sure you carry your "Hindu" identity card with you.

The saddest thing in all of this is nobody except RSS knows who's a real Hindu.

8. Rapes happen only in cities of India not Bharat

Here's RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat in the aftermath of 16 December 2013 Delhi gang-rape in 2013.

"Crimes against women happening in urban India are shameful. It is a dangerous trend. But such crimes won't happen in Bharat or the rural areas of the country. You go to villages and forests of the country and there will be no such incidents of gang-rape or sex crimes."

A day after, he thought he hadn't said enough. So he said this:

"Theory of contract, theory of social contract, a husband and wife are bound by a contract which says 'you (woman) look after the household chores and satisfy me, I (man) will take care of your needs and will protect you', and until she delivers her duties without fail, he keeps her on the contract and if she fails to honour the contract, he disowns her and if it is the same with the husband who is not honouring the contract, she can also abandon him and go for a new contract then."

We reserve our comment on this.

9. Have you converted to Hinduism or not?

Read this as a warning not a question. An RSS affiliate group has set a deadline of 2021 to free India from Muslim and Christians. They won't be killing anyone as they have said. We must trust them (what options do we have). You just have to become a Hindu.

After all weren't your great grandfather and forefathers Hindu? They have a monopoly over God. It's expected that the conversion deadline might be reduced by a few years keeping in view the atmosphere of the country.

If you want to live in India, please visit a nearby RSS shakha.

Ghar-wapsi is free. Thank you RSS.

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Feature image source: PTI