I went on a Tinder date last week. I have been on five dates via Tinder so far, and had the pleasure of meeting two really nice people, one good-to-talk-to guy, and two idiots. I had uninstalled Tinder soon after the first idiot happened, such was the disappointment. I will explain why I call him an 'idiot' before you go all guns and drop the over-used 'feminazi' bomb. Well, this guy had asked for my opinion on PDA i.e public display of affection and then declared he was 'planning' to make out with me. He was also planning to go back to my place, despite having said this (and despite zero fireworks!) I did meet three nice men too! But I digress.
Coming back to why this piece happened in the first place. Last Wednesday, after work, this guy very generously offered to pick me up. While I am not used to people picking me up or paying for my drinks/food/etc, that particular day had seen a bunch of big news stories and I ended up saying yes to use the time while he negotiated with traffic from Gurgaon towards south Delhi, to edit pending stories. I had chatted with him sporadically over two months on WhatsApp after having matched on Tinder a while ago.
After a recent chat we decided to meet up.
For those who do not know, Tinder is a dating app where you swipe on a person's picture left to reject it and right to like it. If I swiped right on a person and they did too for my profile then only is it a match.
So, we headed to Hauz Khas Village and ended up going to a place with a live gig. Had beer, enjoyed the live music, chatted. I had a nice evening going until there was an arm around my waist that belonged to him. I politely turned towards him and asked, "why is your arm around my waist?"
"You're not okay with it?"
He removed his hand, and I was glad this was over without it getting weird. We continued chatting over another round of beer. There was a second instance of him holding my hand and entwining fingers. I repeated the question, trying to be polite still, while pulling my hand away. I was slightly irritated by now, by this and the fact that people were smoking inside the pub/cafe we were in. However, the music got louder, and the band played popular covers that I sang along to. And therefore by the time we decided to leave I was elated after having sung some numbers that are my favourites. He insisted to pay the bill, and then just went ahead and paid at the counter, while I was still in the middle of singing the last song. Coldplay.
He offered to drop me home. I was alright in calling a cab. Plus two of my friends were not too far and had offered to pick me up. He insisted he will drop me. He also insisted to carry my bag while leaving the cafe. The insistence over the bag actually lasted a few minutes because of my reluctance. His response being, "I won't run away with it. Don't worry. I can carry it."
"I know you can, and thanks for offering, but I like to carry my bag."
I couldn't believe the insistence but I told myself 'calm down, he is trying to be nice.' He had mentioned 'chivalry' during the bag-carrying talk.
I decided to have paan. He didn't want any, but insisted to.. and actually before I could tell the guy which paan I wanted the paan had been paid for. In my mind I was like 'WTF. Whoa fine if you're in a hurry to pay.'
Then we drove and we talked all the while. From reservation, to smoking, to Aadhaar card's failure to figuring how to ensure a certain minimum wage, cops in India and how painful it is to put in a simple complaint or how excruciating they make an FIR. Well the topics ranged, as much as I remember of the conversation from that drive back.
Then he parked the car one block away from my house. Well we were still talking so I thought it's so that we stop and chat some more. Then he said he wants to kiss me.
"Oh. But I don't want to."
"I really want to."
And while I was saying something to the tune of "But I really don't" his mouth was on mine. I felt the tongue. Then I shut my mouth. And put my hand on my lips pushing him back. He backed off. Apologised. Said how he was feeling like a douchebag.
"Are you still dropping me home or should I walk?"
He did drop me. I thanked him for paying for the drinks, and dropping me home. I also said what happened was not cool at all. He apologised again. I said make sure you don't do this again on another date. No means no.
Why is this so difficult to understand for men?
No does not mean maybe. No is not a tease-game. No means NO.
Because ONLY a yes means yes.