Some secrets never see the light of the day. Like, why do we cook bacon but bake cookies? Where do the missing socks go? And, why do people stand up in the aisle as soon as the flight lands?


The third is the quintessential question I’m seeking an answer to because I’m done! I’m done with putting up with passengers from seat 36C ramming their bums right in my face as they struggle to drag their baggage down. The plane is on the runway and you don’t have the patience to wait until the seat belt sign is turned off!

As if bearing with teething toddlers who cry and squeal for 3 hours straight wasn’t gruelling enough that the journey must end with being elbowed by people trying to jump the queue and bolt up into the aisle. 

In all honesty, there are two kinds of conversations I vehemently dislike having when flying. a) When my fellow passenger bulldozes me into a conversation and robs me of my treasured sleep b) People already standing with their butts having a conversation with my face.

Okay, if I try to make sense of why you do it, I’d say that you probably do it to save time. So here’s another question for you: What do you do with the 1.7 seconds you have saved? It is humanly impossible to do anything substantial during that time unless you are Akshay Kumar filming back-to-back movies. 

It’s 2022; it’s about time we stop generalising people but fuck it imma do it.  You fall into the category of people who rush into an elevator without waiting for others to exit, the same folks who get up and ‘stretch’ as soon as the movie ends, ruining the mid-credit song for the rest of us.

The flight attendant may politely request you to remain seated with a smile but deep down she passionately wants to punch you square in the face.

Imagine having an energy-guzzling commute and right before it ends, you feel like you have entered a class without a monitor. It exhausts more than squabbling over the same armrest with your fellow passenger throughout the flight. 

Honestly, why are you in a rush? The doors are still closed and there isn’t a Homelander waiting inside the plane to laser you into pieces. So, The Boys, kindly stay in the goddamn seats. 

Sure, your knees are hitting the seat in front of you the whole way, your wide ass hips are numb from the small ass seat and all you want is to feel your butt again. But you know what, we’re all crammed. We’re all inconvenienced. We’re all jet lagged. We all wanna end this damn commute. So, suck it up, buttercup, and have some in-flight etiquettes!