As Indians, most of us have been raised with certain beliefs about valuing community and family. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with those beliefs, we all know that some times, they can be incredibly harmful to our mental health and emotional wellbeing.
Which is why we found this Twitter post by @astralfvck so interesting to talk about. In it, the OP has said that it's not necessary that you introduce your partner to your family (especially if they're abusive or toxic). And we get it!
your partner doesn’t have to meet your parents if your parents suck. like they can literally just meet your cat or your favorite corner store cashier— ً (@astralfvck) August 4, 2022
Here's how other people chimed in with @astralfvck's post. Most people talked about having toxic family members who they would rather maintain boundaries with and for.
I never understood that whole "meeting the parents" thing, or, even worse, "getting the father's blessing." This isn't the year 1573. It's no one's decision but the two people getting together.— Apocalypse Gerbil (@Michael52736047) August 4, 2022
My parents are okay, but I literally don't care if you meet them. Most of my friends already know them. What's really important is if you meet my cat, Chicken Nugget. pic.twitter.com/4HRiKnOonM— Lexy Lily (@LexyLily3) August 4, 2022
Nah, there’s no reason to share your life with your parents if they’re pieces of shit or disrespectful. They should’ve been better parents.— Emma (@emmadoeden) August 5, 2022
We totally agree to this person's POV too. Because as an adult it is no one else's job but yours to discern and choose a life partner.
I’m not letting or bringing up nobody to my family because I don’t need them to tell me about a person until I get to know them, I’m grown enough to know my kind of ppl they literally are hypocritical and traumatizing.— CherishWhatTheFuck (@preoccupycheri) August 4, 2022
Well sorry that some people were not raised with parents who are supportive, or loving of their children. It might not even be safe for someone's s/o to meet their parents. this tweet isn't stupid, its absolutely right.— Touch Starved Frog (@mushroomxnymph) August 4, 2022
Also this, as Indians, we often end up viewing the act of meeting our partner's family as a non-negotiable.
I hate when someone has bleh parents that are hateful or whatever and ppl throw a fit about how they don’t love you or aren’t serious enough about you if they don’t cause a family war by introducing you. Like what is the point lol.— 𝔇𝔬𝔩𝔩 | twitch bitch🥀 (@bulgariandoll) August 4, 2022
It’s so interesting that this has to be said— Seb Lin (@SebLin10) August 5, 2022
My friend-group are all girls in college, ALL completely independent from parents &like.. Yeah duh!
Almost every single 1 of us had horrible fathers (either abusive or cheating) & mothers who are TOO reliant on oldest daughters, and-
Part 2) so now obviously the way we date will have nothing to do with the people who caused us trauma— Seb Lin (@SebLin10) August 5, 2022
Maybe it’s a generational thing.. or you’d have to be in a super young college-town to feel empowered that this is 100% normal. But it is
It’s just standard to me!
My biological and step parents all suck. I’m really tight with my ex’s parents still and they provided so much for me while I was with my ex and saw me as their own. My current partner is also extended the same warmness by them— Camilla 🖤💜 (@samhainluna24) August 4, 2022
16 yrs late...— fabergé grenade ♿🍄⚖️🌈🌱🌘💙 (@WishinRemission) August 4, 2022
1st date: he called as I was getting out of a shower & asked was I available, said yeah & he was there in 5m so I ran out the front door no makeup still wet as a seal pulling on my pants... Asked me to move in after meeting them
"We have to get you out of there"
You’ll have to move to Mars to get away from some toxic parents cos they won’t allow you to be anything other than submissive— Vatsala Dittus 🎥🦖🐒 (@VatsDit) August 5, 2022
I let my husband meet my mother so he could better understand why I’m so emotionally stunted. He was like ohhhhh yeah, now I get it.— Melissa Bough (@lissypiggy) August 4, 2022
Married 5 years. My spouse will never have that particular experience. He has met the good people in my life, instead.— Foodiesaurus Regina (@foodiesaurus) August 4, 2022
Absolutely agree. I introduced my partner to my older brother, his girlfriend, and some of my brothers friends who've know me a long time because that's pretty much the extent of family I have thats not terrible.— 💗🐰Vanilla Hearts | 2.0 Redebut Soon🐰💗 (@VanillaheartsVT) August 4, 2022
🤝🏽— Benz☆s★ur (@Benzasaur) August 4, 2022
Literally every person who has tried to be with me that would expect me to dance around their toxic family or friends have all left my life because of those family & friends. Be happy together alone not for the sake of pleasing other people out of fear they won't like ya'll
Having disconnected from my parents many years ago due to a lifetime of abuses, it's a total drag having to explain it to every new date I go on. Sooner or later the family conversation starts and it's always super weird— Jonny (@jonnyplasma4321) August 4, 2022
My dad was recently throwing a huge fit at me about why my fiancé hasn't been to any of our annual family reunions. And it's like, dude, he'd have to spend the weekend with you, can you blame him?— DisasterDom (@DisasterDom96) August 4, 2022
I literally told my parents that I have to protect my family from them.— CAPITALISM=GENOCIDE Protect Native Land/Culture (@Vote4Equality20) August 4, 2022
sometimes u don’t know ur parents suck until they actively ruin ur relationship with ur soulmate for their arranged marriage candidate u never even met once 🤭😭🤩 pic.twitter.com/ewKYLvKKKp— Quan Gon Jinn (ง'̀-'́)ง (@JChowQuan) August 5, 2022
Amen 🤘 ur marrying the person and u become each other's family, u don't need anyone else.— Phoenix Rising (@thekittykat9855) August 4, 2022
And then here is this Twitter user sharing why he doesn't have a great relationship with his parents. And that explains why he would choose to not introduce his partner to them, TBH!
I'm just saying, In the several years I've been out of the closet, they've never once brought up my partners or openly acknowledged any of my relationships. They literally avoid having that conversation like the plague.— Tony Chavez (@blacknexus) August 4, 2022
It's a huge red flag for someone to try and force their partners to meet their bigoted family. Trust me on this.— Fernando Saint Yives🏳️🌈 (@gayfairy26) August 4, 2022
So true! I don't speak to my mum and my dad is very judgy and can be rude but my bf has met my nan who I adore— 💜🏴 Perffaith Simmer 🏴💜 (@PerffaithSimmer) August 4, 2022
But of course there were many people who had valid points and feelings about why it's important to meet the parents (as partners).
for your own safety, YOU HAVE TO KNOW your partner's familiy ... even just for once, even if they are in prision or an asylum— Elon Almizcle (@artopb) August 4, 2022
I repeat : It's a matter of YOUR OWN SAFETY (physical or emotional)
Personal opinion: As an adult you have full right to decide who you choose to include in your life decisions (or life, in general).