It was a 4-year-long relationship.
We’d bunk college, go for numerous dates, movies and parties and yet, we couldn’t get enough of each other. After all, it was our first-ever encounter with love.
We were happy. Very, very happy!
But let me be completely honest.
It wasn’t like everything was rosy and perfect though. Like everybody else, my relationship also had a lot of highs and lows.
But I didn’t give up.
I’ve never liked people going out of my life, be it friends or acquaintances. And this guy was my love. How could I have given up so easily?
We’d scream out, “I am breaking up with you” quite often but knew that a morning text would mend everything.
But then, wasn’t it just me who apologized most of the times? I didn’t see it then but I can see it now.
We’ve broken up now. I couldn’t keep up with it. Giving the relationship all my love and attention and not receiving enough of it in return.
I don’t know about him but I’m sure at peace that it’s over. I gave it my all and there’s nothing more I could’ve done!
I can point out many instances when I felt the relationship turning sour.
He’d be insensitive and I’d forgive him. Over and over again. I’d lie to myself. Suffer all the pain. In the hopes of him seeing just how much I was putting at stake for our relationship. For us!
But he never did.
I swallowed my pain knowing he was more vulnerable. I hid my tears to wipe his. I did it all until being emotionally strong became emotionally exhausting.
Yes, I did everything out of love. But when you give it your all, you tend to forget who you are!
It was only after the end of the relationship that I realized that there’s a difference between giving something your all and giving up yourself.
I did not know who I was as a person. I was making sacrificing for another person without realising that I was sacrificing myself in the bargain. For someone I loved but also for someone who eventually was going to leave.
Today that we’re no longer together, I have no regrets whatsoever. I know I couldn’t give more to the relationship.
Moving on felt like getting my wings back. No more baggage of carrying someone’s emotions, no more overthinking about my actions hurting someone.
Today, I know myself and I am at peace. I know what love is because I know I gave it my all.
Feature Image Source: Aily Torres