Dear Long Lost Friend,
I hope you’re well.
I don’t know where you are these days. Maybe because you haven’t been posting much on Facebook lately. Or maybe, I have stopped looking at your posts while scrolling down my newsfeed.
I’m surprised how organically this happened.
When we first stopped talking, I remember going on your timeline, every second day, to see what you were doing. Your fancy dinner pictures followed by selfies with people you and I once despised angered and upset me at the same time. It became an obsession of sorts, the one that would leave me with a storm of negativity and jealousy.
I was jealous of you having fun.
I would put up a strong front when somebody would ask me whether I was doing okay after falling out with you. This is when I learnt my first lesson.
I learnt to be strong and face the world without you by my side.
We didn’t come in pairs anymore and suddenly, I had come to terms with it.
Now, I was myself and not your friend. Our names were not taken in the same breath. People changed the way they looked at me and while at times, I could sense them pitying me, I realized that it somewhere gave me the strength to change myself.
Earlier, our joint interests would govern my idea of having fun.
Drunk Saturday nights and Sunday brunches were fun, sure, but now, I was looking at wider options. However cliched it might sound, the world became my oyster and I had only you to thank.
It could have been out of jealousy but somewhere, you motivated me to go out and meet new people. With every fancy dinner photograph you put up, I came one step closer to meeting new people. I learnt to respect them. I learnt to acknowledge different opinions.
And above all, I learnt acceptance.
I wasn’t just limited to our kind anymore.
I realized that I had grown as a person. I wasn’t the cribber anymore. My problems weren’t your problems and that gave me an opportunity to deal with them alone.
I realized that I didn’t need your advice. I was capable enough to fight my demons.
I wouldn’t say that it was an easy thing to do but it was my personal project now. My very own business. I faced the tumultuous noises in my head and I was able to shut them down.
I was now emotionally independent.
For the longest time I was haunted by the thought of not being able to trust anyone, anymore. You were my support system and now that you were gone, a part of me had lost all faith. It took me a while to build that level of trust with others. But it also taught me something very important.
It taught me about loyalty.
If I were to trust someone, I had to be sure that they had their loyalties in place. My loyalty didn’t come hand-in-hand with a couple of chilling sessions. I reserved it for those who truly deserved it.
Today, when I see you going out for those dinners, it doesn’t bother me.
In fact, I’m happy you’re having fun. I don’t know if you went through the same phase as me but I hope that you learnt something out of it too.
We’re probably the complete opposite of each other now. But I still fondly recall the times when we weren’t. However, those memories don’t bother me anymore. They are tucked into a special corner of my mind which I revisit every now and then and smile to myself.
Thank you for those memories.
Thank you for leaving me.
The Friend Who Was