You’re already fuming at the title of this article, I get it. He hurt you and ruined you for every other man in town. I am genuinely sorry for you and, as a woman who has been there and done that, I truly empathise. 

But, what makes him a fuckboi

And again, I’m not defending the fact that you got hurt; no. I’m trying to explain to you that it’s not entirely his fault.  

b’Image: Pexels’

You probably met him on Tinder, or at a cool gig in the city where he was alone; or fairly disconnected from his friends to notice you and start a conversation. You make a connection and before long, you’re interested in this guy. 

At some point, he might have slyly dropped the line, ‘I’m not looking for anything serious,’ or versions of that line. Either way, he’s made it clear what he’s NOT looking for. And that, ladies, is your cue. 

Believe when he tells you that; instead of assuming – quite unrealistically so – that you will be the woman who changes him for good. Never assume this about any man; unless his family comes and tells you on their own. 


In most cases, those who experience what I like to call the ‘fuckboi syndrome’ are almost always looking for something serious; that happily ever after, accompanied by some melodramatic phenomenon. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. We all have our priorities and preferences. Just don’t expect everyone to be on the same page as you. That’s where it all gets messed up. 

You see, he’s not who you want him to be. He doesn’t want the same things as you do; or at the very least, not with you. Don’t get offended. Maybe, he’s still hung up on someone from the past, or maybe, he’s just not there yet. 


It’s not your job to find out why he doesn’t want anything serious, or what happened to make him that way. 

He’s not your job, stat. So stop trying to figure out if he’s brooding behind all that chill attitude; he probably isn’t. And even if he is, it really isn’t any of your business. 

Now, before you spiral into a self-deprecating trip, let me tell you that it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, at all.

It comes down to one simply put statement. If you were a chill girl asking for some no-strings-attached fun, you wouldn’t want the first guy to swoop in and ask you ‘Why you not serious?’ now, would you? You’d probably just tell him to get going and leave you the heck alone. So, for the sake of gender equality and all that is fair, let the guy be! 

If fun is not what you seek, smile sweetly at him and walk away. He’ll appreciate it more. But, if some non-committal fun is what you don’t mind for the night, by all means, hang around, and grab a drink while you’re at it. 


Just don’t expect yourself to wake up the next morning, hoping that the sex was so good, he is now a changed man who wants to marry you and have babies. That only happens in sappy movies and in exceptional cases. 

Word of advice: Never believe that you’re the exception to the rule. That eliminates a lot of the baggage that comes with expectation. 


The term ‘fuckboi’ is subjective – you might feel like he screwed you over for another girl. And he might feel like he’s being screwed over by another girl entirely. Either way, no one’s getting what they want. So no one is a ‘fuckboi’. 

Everyone is just out on this planet going about her/his business, trying to make the most of their time. He, too, is just a boy who isn’t ready to get serious in love, yet. And that’s just it. You either stick around and enjoy the ride (pun intended) while it lasts, or get off at the next stop and wait for someone to come along who wants exactly what you do. 

If you think you can change him, here’s why you’re wrong – the two of you are in very different phases of life. Your timing isn’t aligned to be ‘together forever’. It’s a live and let love situation. 

So, live and love how you want. Just, don’t expect him to do the same and then call him a ‘fuckboi’ for not complying with your idea of love. Seems fair?