In a world full of what-ifs, we get to imagine a lot of far-fetched things. Because why not? What if our crush likes us back? What if the pandemic would have never happened? What if sex was equally pleasurable? And the list goes on and on.
However, what if penises were detachable? Men on Reddit have delivered some answers, and they are creative and weird at the same time. Read on.
1. “Bro, please, I left mine at home and I really need to pee”
2. “I would just like to leave mine at home. No awkward boners, plenty of space, can keep them in a cool place = no sweat, no getting hit in them. Not like I was going to use it for anything anyway. Also when I get tired of humping I can take it off and use my hand instead of my hips.”
3. “In a world where penises are detachable, big ones would be worth more than gold. Men who acquired them naturally would insure them and keep them in safe places most of the time. There would be a black market dick trade. The rich would own way more big dicks than they could ever possibly need, while the poor would be left with only the tiniest dicks.”
4. “Assuming every penis could be attached to everybody, penis theft would probably be a thing… people stealing the bigger ones.”
5. “Depends. If the scrotum comes off too, I’m going to flop down heedlessly into every chair I see without fear of that very particular lance of mind-searing pain.”
6. “Take it off whenever I go somewhere public so I don’t have to worry about an unwanted boner.”
7. “Open a business for gathering lost and found penises around the public community areas and then repurpose them as live dildos/strap-ons.”
8. “I bet throwing your penis at people would be the ultimate insult… Worse than spitting at someone, cause usually, a little pee would come out, if the throw connected.”
9. “Wouldn’t care. It’s the balls I woke to detach and probably never put on again. Who wants these things that could cause you a huge amount of pain at any time that is just put in the open. And I don’t want kids right now, so they can go.”
10. “Keep it in a glass display case. Pass it on to the oldest male heir. Proceed to show it off to prospective girlfriends. “You see this? This is my Wang. It was my father’s Wang before me and my father’s father’s Wang before him.”
11. “Good lord, that means he’s gonna misplace his penis constantly and have me look for the missing penis!”
12. “Throw it at my friends. Shove it in their pockets. Leave it somewhere for them to find. Tickle their neck with it when they aren’t expecting it.”
13. “I’d want to detach just to make sure I get all the hair off it. Maybe even take it off and put it in a case while I poop. I’d definitely stow it away when using a chainsaw or something of the sort.”
14. “Keep it under my pillow so I can suck on it every night or just hold it like a teddy bear right up against my chest!!!”
15. “I’d probably leave it at home when working or doing stuff away from home, to avoid awkward stuff like boners in public, etc. Now thinking about it, I’d probably be too lazy to attach it back again after a workday which sounds kinda sad too.”
16. “When not using it, I would keep him in a warm, protective environment to ensure that he grows to his maximum potential.”
17. “Provided the nerves detached too and it was immune to damage, I’d use it like a club or dildo for a girl when I’m too tired.”
18. “I’d put a harness and a leash on him and take him for walks. He likes to get out some energy and sniff around. He does have a bad habit of jumping up on strangers though.”
19. “I can tell you I wouldn’t go to parties and get hungover and lose it. You can leave it at home so you don’t get in trouble with it. And rent it out sometimes.”
20. “Assuming, then, that all men had universal Attachment ports, I think you’d see a lot of penis borrowing, and even penis exchange website where you could rent dicks. It would eventually evolve into an organized crime where people would have their dicks stolen, and a person could get special dicks on the black market. It might even get to the point where governments would have to impose regulations on dick exchanges. It would be an interesting world to live in.”
Read more: 15 Surprising Facts About Penises That We Bet You Had No Idea About.
