Mera pehla pyaar adhura reh gaya rifat bi, mera pehla pyaar adhura reh gaya!  

First relationship or love is the worst and the best thing that can happen to you. But, if you look back now and reflect- there’s so much to learn from that soul-crushing heartbreak, right?  

That said, people on Reddit are sharing things they learned from their first relationship, and we might have an answer to how to build a strong relationship foundation.

1. “I learned that I shouldn’t change who I am or what I want from a relationship just because I liked someone and was lonely. Being happy alone is better than feeling unhappy in a relationship.”


2. “That I confuse mental intimacy for the physical. Ended up cheating on my first (and so far only) real girlfriend because I thought I wasn’t getting enough sex and physical affection. As it turned out, it was the opposite. When I got that sex, it didn’t fulfill anything. Oh, the irony. Hard lesson to learn.”


3. “My first relationship lasted 12½ years. I learned that being comfortable doesn’t mean it’s working.”


4. “I learned to trust my instincts; if I thought something was wrong or amiss, then I should talk about it to that person. I also learned not to allow backhanded compliments, to watch out for signs of verbal abuse, and to leave as soon as I don’t feel safe in a relationship.”


5. “I learned that I wanted to date someone more social and active. She was really sweet, and cute as hell, but kinda boring and never had an opinion. She would always watch whatever I wanted, and didn’t want to ever pick the movie or activity.” 


6. “Don’t ignore red flags and try too hard to keep the relationship going if it’s not meant to be. Would have saved us a whole lot of time and grief, to be honest with ourselves whether than to chase that mythical true love/ high school sweetheart. Also, value yourself in the relationship.”


7. “Nobody should control your time and your feelings. Nobody should prevent you from doing what you like, because of personal insecurities. You either trust somebody, or you don’t. There’s nothing wrong with not trusting someone, but in that case, just leave him/her. Don’t make that person choose to be miserable just to be with you.”


8. “Don’t become dependent on the relationship. Our first relationships tend to be very codependent, especially if it’s the first time for both of you. I was in a relationship that lasted four years and was absolutely everything to me, the center of my life. Everything revolved around her and her feelings. And make no mistake, I loved this dynamic and it worked for a very long time, but one day she fell out of love and left, and it broke me. Completely.”


9. “I learned that you can’t wait out bad situations. You can’t just wait until it gets better. Bad situations will continue to come, often harder than the last. If the couple can’t deal effectively with the first or the second, and there’s no real change (that’s the kicker), the relationship is only going to slowly kill you both.” 


10. “That despite how much you love someone you can be incompatible. At least I know now what I need from a relationship.”


11. “This is especially important for first-time relationship people, don’t forget about your friends. talk to them as much as you can, include them in your life, and never third wheel them because when they no longer feel important to you, they’re not going to try to make themselves important after you’ve broken it with your partner. So when you’re needing somebody to confide in, your friend that you really value will be right there for you.”


12. “Reciprocity is important. If he can complain and use me to comfort him I can do the same. I should not feel like I have to be stronger for any reason.”


Read more: 14 Subtle Signs That Your Partner Is Manipulating You In A Relationship.