The idea of breaking up with someone is discomfiting and not easy at all. “It’s not you, it’s me” is the last thing the person would want to hear when you are ending things.
Though it’s hard to advise someone on how they should break up, considering every relationship is different. But here are a few things you should definitely do to make things less complicated.
1. “If you’re going to be fair, then the second you start to think it’s not working you need to tell them how you’re feeling, why you’re feeling that way, and offer them an opportunity to do something about it. You need to have the “we need to talk” talk. There are certain situations where there is nothing they can do to salvage the relationship, but those are the exception and not the norm.”
2. “In person, no open ends, honesty as brutal as it might be, weak healing will leave festering wounds. It sucks because most people still care about each other. It’s not helping anyone to delay stuff.”
3. “In addition to what’s being said here, please don’t say you’re going to be friends if you don’t mean it. Then your ex feels like a fool when she asks if you want to do friend stuff and you clearly don’t want to.”
4. “It’s like a band-aid. Do it as fast as possible. Do not practice what you are going to say. Just be honest without being mean or a jerk about it. Always be direct. Remember that a breakup is not a negation. It’s a statement of fact. Yes, people will cry and it’s going to hurt but this is normal.”
5. “If you definitely want to break up but want to make things less hurtful, then I can tell you to be definitive and unambiguous. I’ve seen lots of people try to be nice about the whole thing, try to stay friends, and give unclear answers about what’s going on and why. The end result is that things get confusing, people hold onto hope, and the relationship sort of lingers in a halfway ended state. Eventually, someone gets tired of the halfway-ended relationship and does something extremely hurtful just to put a real end to the whole thing.”
6. “My advice is to not aim for fairness. Aim for not fucking up an already-bad situation. If you go down the “fair” path, even if you (from your point of view) do everything the right way, one truth remains. You’re not in control of how your mate reacts. And it can be infuriating if you feel you are being decent and fair, and the person being dumped doesn’t appreciate it. They might, a few months or even years down the road, but many don’t during the actual break-up.”
7. “Don’t get involved with anyone else before or during the break-up. Even if it works out in the end, it will make everything a lot harder.”
8. “Just be clear in your intent. Tell the person how you feel, but do not blame him or her for anything or point out flaws. Also, don’t push it off. I put off breaking up with my ex for 6 months because I couldn’t face being alone. Now I wish I would have done it sooner so I could have saved myself (and her) those 6 months (not to mention getting an apartment together).”
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9. “One other point but this is not a time to be vague. Don’t use euphemisms, say the words. It is fairer to say “we are breaking up” than to leave false hope in their mind.”
10. “Admit any wrongdoing. Point out any wrongdoing. Explain how you would like things to be after the breakup, how mutual possessions should be distributed, gifts wanted back or to be returned, how and if you will communicate from that.”
11. “Also don’t forget that the one who breaks up has been thinking about that for days/weeks, i.e. could prepare the whole speech, whilst the other person just learns about it at the very moment. So don’t be surprised when they react weirdly or not at all. It has to be computed. So give them a chance to think about it and hear them out a few days/week later if wanted. You also had the chance to think about what you wanted to say before you ended things.”
12. “Be kind, tell them why you’re breaking up with them. Tell them why you want out, not what’s wrong with them. Most of all, be honest and tell them the truth. They’re never going to be able to improve without knowing the truth.”
Read more: 10 Redditors Who Have Taken A Break In A Relationship Share How It Worked Out For Them.