People who have had this realisation share their experiences.

1. “My ex brushed off any attempt at physical contact. If I tried to cuddle on the couch he would shrug me off or move away. He never held my hand in public and would not kiss me outside of during sex. My boyfriend on the other hand is all about it. If I don’t snuggle in while on the couch he asks if something is wrong. He holds my hand walking down the street. He loves to make out or sneak in kisses. He also gives little pecks on my forehead and cheeks.” –  HoardingHeartache

2. “Constantly put me down and make hurtful comments. Expected me to take care of him on top of being the bread winner but when I broke my ankle refused to so much as get me a drink, I couldn’t get one myself due to the injury.”

3. “He never let me shower alone. Never. Sometimes, if I said I was going to take a shower, he’d go get in first and basically steal my shower. He was a douchebag when I complained about it. Every other time, he’d come in after like 5 minutes and wouldn’t take no for an answer. It wasn’t even a full size shower, there was barely enough room for a medium sized person to shower alone. If I decided to take a bath instead, he’d come in every 5-10 minutes to ask me a question. If I locked the door, he’d sit outside the door knocking or talking to me about how offended he was that I was shutting him out. I couldn’t get a second away from him.” – wetchoder

4. “Told me to lose weight, would lay next to me in bed liking pictures of other girls on IG (called me insecure and paranoid whenever I brought IG up), never bought me flowers or planned any dates.” – MMMZ3000

5. “The guy I was with before my husband was a single dad of two small kids, that he had custody of. When we split, I remember the night before I left, he called and asked me if I could watch the kids for him. Him asking me to watch the kids wasn’t the issue. It was what he said right after he asked me. He said “since you’re leaving, I won’t be able to go out anymore.” When I told my now husband this, he was like “oh wow, he just used you as a live in babysitter.” I wish I was able to take a pic of my face when I had that realization.” – Purple_Routine1297

6. “Reacted negatively to emotional instability. When I was PMSing or my anxiety was high and I wasn’t thinking or behaving in a healthy way, his reaction was disdain, sometimes even anger or frustration. Fair, but not supportive. If you’re gonna be somebody’s partner, you got to be supportive.” – freckledsallad

7. “Listening to reply instead of listening to understand. It led to constant arguments and defensiveness whenever I spoke. Eventually I just stopped talking to pretty much anyone because I figured it wasn’t worth it. It took me months after the split to be able to have a healthy conversation. I’m honestly still working on it, but my partner is a great listener.” – highfiveoneseven

8. “My ex would never ask me why I was upset. He would just wait it out until I got over it or maybe he actually was that clueless I’ll never know. If my current partner senses an attitude change, he’ll grab my face and will make me look into his eyes and tell him what’s wrong so we can talk it out honestly.” –  Legitimate-Paint-323

9. “My ex always drilled into me that our relationship was no one else’s business. It was easy for me to believe this, I’m a somewhat private person so it wasn’t an obvious red flag at the time. My current partner loves sharing our adventures and encourages me to do the same. It was like a cloud lifted over me.” – fooliescraper

10. “Getting jealous over reading a book. My ex-husband didn’t like it when I read, even if I was in the same room but not watching whatever show he wanted to, or sitting in the shed with him to keep him company while he worked on his car. He would stomp around complaining that I was ignoring him, constantly interrupting me. I went from reading a book a fortnight to one or two books a year.” – SalBums

11. “Ex used to make me wait outside for him after work. Sometimes for hours while he just chatted with his coworkers. I kept texting him and he said he’d be right there. He didn’t even come to let me in out of the weather. He would make me wait all the time and way always late. My current partner respects my time and will sprint after parking the car just so I don’t have to wait for him long. I don’t ask him too, but he choses to. He is always on time.” – Disastrous_Airline28

12. “Serving me a plate of food at dinner instead of letting me serve myself. And she’d fill the entire dinner plate until it was almost overflowing with food, like rice and curry, and then get upset that I didn’t eat it all. It was probably 1500 calories of food in one meal which my stomach cannot handle.” – VibingGreen

Learning the hard way.