Me – ‘Hi’

X – ‘What’s up?’

Me – ‘Nothing much.’

*conversation ends*

Nobody likes long speeches, which is why keeping it short and sweet is the key. 

This conversation sure is short but I can’t vouch for the sweetness. But then again, everybody has their own versions of what’s nice and what isn’t, right?

Conversations like these strengthen the bonds of e-friendships. 

After all, what is more satisfying than having a fragmented conversation every other week, right? 

Don’t be confused. Having e-friends is a wholesome experience! 

You can constantly be in touch with ten faces (I say faces because that’s all the display picture reveals), sharing the ‘Heys‘ and ‘What’s ups‘ of your life with them. And what’s better than discussing your life’s problems with a don’t-know-IRL-human’s (or maybe a senti quote’s) picture with a thousand filters over it?

Also there’s no catching up at a bar to do. They don’t expect you to take out three full hours from your busy schedule to meet and discuss relationships and careers. 

Who even does that anymore? Probably, only the so-called ‘good friends’ from the pre-internet age who still believe in old school human interaction. 

In fact, Warner Bros. should consider remaking F.R.I.E.N.D.S by adding an E before the F. Because hanging out in real life is as dead as Rachel’s feelings for Gunther.

Hanging out with friends is such a waste of time and money. There’s no point spending over a grand in one night when that same money could fund your WiFi bill for a month at least. 

Also, you can know so much more about someone through their virtual life. 

An Instagram post will tell you what X ate for lunch. A 10-second Snapchat video can tell you how drunk your friend was last night. And a Facebook status update can enlighten you about the latest social cause your ‘best friend’ is supporting these days.

As far as getting the details is concerned, who even has the time? 

We’ll just pick up bits and pieces from their social media activity and form opinions about them. This is 2017, after all!

And now, the greatest perk of having e-friends. 

You can put them on ‘silent’ the minute they start annoying you. And if things get bat-shit crazy, you can put to use man’s greatest privilege – the block button. 

Whereas, if you were to talk to friends in real life, they would go an extra mile to make you feel special, tell you to straighten your life out and even invade your personal space with hugs. 

There’s a reason why nobody uses the hug emoji. But who’ll make the hug-giver-IRL-friends understand this?

Aren’t all you only-internet-friendly (pun intended) people proud of yourselves? 

Maybe it’s time for you to express your excitement with multiple emojis and exclamation marks to your friends behind the screens.

As far as those who still believe in old school human interaction are concerned, you’re in a good place. Congratulate yourselves for not being a part of the herd and give yourself a self-five if you were able to understand the sarcasm I was trying to enforce. 

For those who didn’t get the sarcasm, I’ll say it out loud: E-FRIENDS ARE NOT REAL FRIENDS. Go out and meet people, for god’s sake!