There’s no set formula that can make a marriage work. Nonetheless, if we do a thorough research even before making a purchase, how can we willfully ignore red flags before tying knots with someone?
There are many things to be wary of before making someone a part of your life, especially when it is an arranged setup, and dealing with them is the only way to leave no room for regrets later on.
15 Redditors talk about the red flags they wish they noticed before signing up for arranged marriage and this might help you to figure them out too.
1. “They always pick parents over their partners to ‘keep the peace’.”
2. “Excessive sweet talk and romance early on. Kind of an extension to the previous point. This usually hints at a very immature idea of what a relationship and later marriage should mean. Instead, they mimic the “romanticized” version of love that is shown in movies. These guys will not continue the same after marriage or even worse, make you feel like you owe them for their affections.”
3. “He didn’t know how to cook or clean. I was so excited to get our own place and be the perfect wife that I just did it all and I was happy about it. Like an idiot lol. 10 years and two kids later I was completely over that shit. Thankfully after a few tough years, we figured it out. But damn, had I known I would have started our life a lot differently.”
4. “Their penchant to slam doors/cabinets/throw things against walls.”
5. “He yelled and threw (my) things at me. I was so young and foolish. I thought it meant he was passionate and that he loved me more than anyone else…because nobody else in my life loved me enough to get so angry they would throw things. That’s not how it works.”
6. “He is a loving, loyal, sensitive, brilliant creature… who would be completely fine living in utter filth.
His mother has apologized to me for always doing the cleaning for him, never giving him any chores or expecting help with the household when he was growing up.”
7. “He never stuck at anything – that boy changed careers like they were underpants and ditched friends when he moved. He achieved tons, and I got dazzled by that, but as soon as he got a win or hit a hard patch he’d move onto the next big thing. I learned the teary way that I was not the exception to that rule.”
8. “He’s pretty selfish with his time. We’ve been married 5 years and have two young kids and the time he spends with them is appalling little. He just flat refuses to do anything that interferes with ‘his’ time. God forbid our 4yr old tries singing along when my husband is listening to music, he shouts at him to stop because he can’t enjoy what he’s listening to, instead of being happy his son is showing an interest in his husband’s hobbies and trying to participate. It really breaks my heart.”
9. “My husband refuses counseling. And I have just grown up a lot. This isn’t the kind of marriage I want. But it’s basically a situation where I have to swallow my feelings because none of the change will come from him.”
10. “Made comments about how cute or attractive other women were. Or how sexy my friends were. Weird sexual comments. We were married 3 years when I found out he had a hooker problem and was fucking a few of my friends.”
11. “His family were totally pathological.
Dad with BPD and alcohol issues, mum a refugee who had to take what she could get and was a total doormat. A Sister who thought she lived in an Audrey Hepburn movie.
You’re marrying the family, not just the individual. That stuff doesn’t wash off.”
12. “He was addicted to video games. I thought he’d grow out of his unhealthy dependency on them, but nothing has changed almost 20 years later. He turns into a massive jerk if I dare to make my existence was known at the exact moment he loses a match. I’m at the end of my rope. He knows this, but nothing changes.”
13. “He’s always been moody, he’s picky, hates music, perfume and noises. We’ve been married 25 years – I often fantasize about how if I would have left the day he made me feel so awful about what my life would be like now.”
14. “My husband and I have nothing in common other than we love each other….. and I do mean NOTHING. We are still married but it’s been a very very hard road. The thing that has me holding on is that he is a genuinely good person. I knew this before we got married but just figured we would grow more together. Not the case. Do I love him? yes. has it made marriage difficult? YES.
15. “His temper tantrums. My husband has temper tantrums like an out-of-control toddler. He is in his late 40s and still can’t contain or regulate his emotions. He is self-accepting of his anger but watching a grown man feed off his own rage is not attractive or admirable.”
Spot them from a distance and RUN.
