Rejection is a part and parcel of life. Can we blame the people who rejected the jobs we coveted or the people who denied us admissions to the colleges we wanted? No, right? Then why can’t a woman reject a man if she wants to without having to face its consequences?
Many a times, even after rejection, some people just fail to get the message. From stalking the girl online, to harassing her, and maligning her character, they leave no stone unturned. How difficult can it be to understand that stalking or incessantly harassing a woman does not equals to winning her heart? A no means a NO. It’s not a veiled attempt by a girl to appear bashful. Consent is an important ingredient for a two-way traffic, because otherwise it’s just plain old harassment.
Some women bore the brunt of saying no in the harshest way imaginable. Some were threatened, others were beaten up, the rest were raped. This page on Tumblr chronicles the personal stories of women who were at the receiving end of some torturous behaviour by the men that they rejected.
It was early evening and a group of six of us (all female) were walking to a bar for a drink after work. A big black 4×4 drove past and slowed down alongside us. The windows were then rolled down and the 3 men inside started hitting on us, and asking us to go for drinks with them.
We said no, thank you. They aggressively hurled abuse at us, calling us sluts, and telling us we were all ‘ugly’ anyway. They sped up to drive on, at which point my friend disgustedly stuck her middle finger up at them as they drove off.
They saw this, reversed, wound down their windows and threw fruit juice all over us. As ridiculous as it sounds, as a group of 25-30 year old women, we were terrified at being both verbally and physically threatened by 3 anonymous men, for no other reason than we weren’t interested in going for drinks with them.
They sped off laughing, and we all stood there in fearful silence and abject disbelief at what had just happened.
One summer’s evening I was alone walking back home from seeing a movie at the cinema when two guys catcalled me from across the street. This always makes me feel uncomfortable, but they were relatively far away, so I ignored them. But then they decided to cross the street to talk to me, I kept walking hoping to outspeed them, with no success.
“Hey girl, why you ignoring me? Where you going? Coming home with us?” Guy 1 said approaching me. I Iooked away, kept walking and wondered if I should start running. By the time they were standing in front of me I heard Guy 2 say those dreaded words: “yo! It’s a dude!” (I’m a trans woman and was still transitioning at the time). Virtually instantly I felt Guy 1’s fist punch my face, bruising my cheekbone and hitting me backwards, making me dizzy. Thank god I had an umbrella with me to defend myself, because without it I would not have been able to prevent getting totally beaten up.
I made eye contact with one woman who passed by, but she looked away and cut the corner. Luckily for me a second passerby, an older gentleman, came to my aid and chased the men off, asking me if I was okay. I nodded, just wanting to get away, going home, be safe. Maybe I should have thanked him, but I was too shocked to do so.
When my mom learned what happened she told me “that’s what you get when you choose to dress that way.”
I was going to get dinner for my father and I at a local pizza place down the road. We had preordered and all I had to was pay and pickup. When I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed a white work truck following me. It didn’t rly hit me as suspicious until I was inside, waiting in line to pick up my order, and noticed that the man in the truck kept driving by the pizza place.
As I was walking to my car with my order, I noticed him again driving by me, and as I was getting into my car, the man had parked a space away from me. I hurriedly got in my car, locked the doors and started it, but the man was already knocking at my window. I cracked it just a bit, hoping that he was only going to ask for directions, or something else completely harmless.
Instead, he asks me about where I’m going, what I’m doing that night, if I wanted company, etc. Btw, it’s very clear that this man is mid 40’s/maybe even early 50’s. He keeps inviting me to come home with him, telling me that he and his friends are drinking that night and looking to have fun. I tell him that I can’t, that I don’t want to, that I’m expected home soon, etc, which doesn’t phase him in the slightest.
So I finally lie, and tell him that I’m underage, and cannot go with him, to which he replies that it doesn’t matter to him, and then his language started getting very aggressive. Asking me why I was being so resistant, that I should just come and drink with him, that he would “treat me right” if I would just let him. So I lie again and tell him that I’m a lesbian and have no interest in him. That made him angry. He raised his voice and told me that I needed a “good fucking” to straighten me out. At this point I was almost in tears because I was so scared.
Afraid of what else he might do if I continued to stay, I put the car in drive and sped out of the parking lot and onto the road. And to my absolute horror, when I looked in the rear view mirror, I realized he was following me. Luckily, I managed to lose him by speeding through an almost red light. I made it home and for the next few days, I was completely on edge because I just had this feeling like he was going to pop up somewhere while I was out around town.
Here’s the most fucked up part: two or three days later, as I was trying to get over what had happened and just have a relaxing night out with some friends and close cousins, I was sexually assaulted by two different men in the same night, and I still haven’t said anything because I’m afraid of what will happening seeing as how I see these men constantly in my everyday life. I’ve been living in silence with this since sept. 2014
I was stalked by a 23-year-old in primary (elementary) just because I had bigger breasts than all the others. When my parents called the police, they did nothing to stop him. He stalked me for seven years, when he began sexually harassing me by touching my breasts and bottom. Everyday, he would walk me home. I refused him repeatedly, and one time he got violent. He took a pocket knife out and tried to stab me, but luckily a nearby stranger rescued me. He stalked me for three more years until finally the cops took action and arrested him for child sexual abuse, abuse, and – get this – 14 charges of rape in cases not my own.
I was 18 and working as a waitress at a chain restaurant. He was twenty+ years my senior and working in the kitchen.
He took an interest in me, and by that, I mean that when I talked to him, he would ask me questions and write down my answers. I lied every time, except about my age, hoping that he’d back off. He would touch me as I walked by and tried to kiss me hello on a few occasions, which I dodged. When he explicitly asked me to “hang out” I refused. He told me he’d wait for me in the parking lot after work. I left early that day. The next night, he locked me in a walk-in freezer until I would talk to him.
I quit my job the next day.
We dated briefly our junior year. He was demeaning and putting me down, so I broke it off. He tried to get me back, including asking mutual friends (all girls) plead his case with me. They thought he was sweet and that I should forgive him. I refused. Senior year, his new girlfriend confided that if someone mentioned me around him, he’d shake all over and go into a rage. When he found out we were going to the same college, he threatened to kill me. He published hateful poems about me in the school magazine, and everyone said what great writer he was. I told my dad. Instead of going to the police or the school, my dad asked a senior boy a the college to “look after” me. I kept my distance, and we both transferred out of that school after a while. It’s been 25 years, and I still feel like I was being “melodramatic” about getting death threats.
*I must state, that this didn’t happen to me, it happened to a close friend. And yet, she isn’t the only case in my country.
Her boyfriend moved in with her because his home was getting painted. This means that he moved in temporarily. And after a week of living together, in their house, she heard a ring. She lives in an underground apartment, so to enter the building, she must go downstairs. So when she answered the ring, they told her that it was her ex-boyfriend. And like she has a great friendship with him, she went upstairs to meet him. But little did she knew, that this person was NOT her ex.
Many years ago, a strange fellow started telling her that she was “really pretty” and to please “go out with him”. She wasn’t interested, so she said no to him various times. Later, she realized that this guy was stalking her, so she threatened him by saying that she was going to “call the police” and thought the issue was over.
Well, when this guy found out that they started living together, he thought “if she isn’t for me, then she’s for nobody else.” And when my poor friend started walking up the stairs, the guy THREW A BUCKET OF ACID ON HER.
She luckily survived, but it is horrifying that saying “no” can lead you to such a horrible event. It is so unfair!
I was in second and third grade, he was in third and fourth (the bulk of it lasted for two years, until I moved). He followed me around constantly and would often say or do inappropriate things, but I was too nice to tell him I didn’t want his friendship (or any kind of relationship with him). I finally worked up the courage to reject him after I found out he was going to “propose” to me (he had a wedding ring and everything). After I told him I wasn’t interested, he bullied me mercilessly. He lived near me so it occurred in school, on the bus, and when I was playing outside. He would hit me, throw things at me, and follow me everywhere (one of his favorite things was running up behind me and yanking HARD on my hair until he ripped some out).
I don’t remember why I didn’t tell people about this, but I think it was a mix of being too scared and thinking that behavior was normal/expected from boys. One incident I remember particularly well occurred while I was riding my bike around the block. He got on his own bike and started tailing me and yelling at me and hitting me with a stick. I pedaled as fast I could and cried and screamed but couldn’t evade him. I was so scared and distracted that I ended up crashing into a tree. I don’t remember the extent of my injuries, but I remember the fear. I also remember the apathetic faces of his brother and friend, who saw the entire incident and didn’t do a thing. I mean, what did I expect? I shouldn’t have led him on for so long.
I was 16, and had turned down J.T.’s advances over the previous 2 months. He became more aggressive with each rejection to the point that I avoided the football field during practice (he was on the team) as well as the hallways that he frequented because he verbally harassed me and threatened me with physical violence (including references to violating me) when he saw me.
I was completely alone in the girl’s locker room at a corner locker changing for swim practice and while I was standing there nude J.T. walked in. I was sure that this was the moment that he’d make good on his threats. All I had to protect me was my voice, so I started shouting “Get out of here! Leave me alone!”. A classmate came in and I told her that J.T. had been bothering me for months, told her to get the teacher, and I kept yelling at him to leave. I couldn’t leave because J.T. was between me and the door and all I had shielding me was my towel.
J.T. continued to walk toward me with a fight-ready posture repeating his threats of violating me while also saying “What’s Mrs. X going to do? She can’t do anything to stop me” (Our gym teacher was an extremely diminutive woman). He nearly snatched away my towel when the teacher finally arrived. He refused to leave at first, but then the teacher raised her voice and he finally left.
This is the first time I’ve ever talked about this. At the time, J.T.’s behavior and confrontation was considered the result of a miscommunication between a boy and a girl rather than the sexual harassment that it is-if it was ever discussed. Today, 28 years later, I have seen J.T. on facebook along with many other classmates, but I have blocked him because I STILL feel nauseated, intimidated, frightened, angry, and violated when I see him.
Time does NOT heal all wounds.
I was shopping in a small town square with my mother when a man I didn’t know asked me for the time. I told him, and he asked me for my number. I politely refused, and he asked why, whether I had a boyfriend. I told him I didn’t, and he pressed about why he couldn’t have my number if I was single. I said because I didn’t want to. He called me a bitch and walked off mumbling about how this was what was wrong with women; Mom and I, shaken, walked off. He got into his car, drove around the square several times until he found us again, rolled down the window, and screamed “fucking cunt” at me and burned rubber speeding off; I could hear him still driving around nearby with his tires screeching even from inside the store. I couldn’t stop shaking for twenty minutes and was terrified to go back outside.
When I was a senior in high school, I refused to get sexual with my current boyfriend and he had understood. During a period where we were broken up, I experimented sexually with a male friend I had known for years and felt more comfortable with. After I got back together with my boyfriend and he found out, he threatened to murder my male friend and force himself on me during a school trip because he felt more “entitled” to me. It took me a month to finally tell someone because he had actually brought a weapon on that trip and easily could have done what he threatened to do. After he was arrested, I later found out that he had tried to rape a fourteen year old girl during our break from each other.
This guy who I was friends with (who was infatuated with me) went ballistic. I stayed on the phone for three to four hours just to convince him not to come to my house in the middle of the night. Eventually I talked him down by agreeing to talk to him face to face the next day.
So we meet in this little secluded place which was one of mine and my boyfriend’s hangouts (this was also extremely close to where my boyfriend lived.) I explained the situation and my friend began to act extremely immature by not talking or listening to what I was saying. I told him if he was going to continue acting like a child that I was going to leave. I got up and started to walk away when he charged at me and started hugging my legs and refusing to let go.
After getting him off of me, I continued to walk towards my boyfriend’s house just so I know I was safe while this kid left. I see him get on his bike and ride strangely the same direction as I was going. Recognizing that he was going to my boyfriend’s house, I called out that he wasn’t home (which he wasn’t, but his mother was.) The kid demanded three times to know where he was but I never said anything. I just kept walking.
He threw his bike down onto the ground and charged at me with full force, screaming to know where my boyfriend was. When he got to me, he forced me into a headlock and refused to let go. I screamed that he was hurting me and eventually he let go.
I sprinted to my boyfriend’s house and walked in. I began telling his mother about what had happened when the boy barged into the house. He then sat on the ground and refused to leave. My boyfriend’s little sister took me to her room as I was freaking out. I called the boy’s sister to get a hold of their parents to get him out of there. After what seemed like hours, his mother showed up and wrestled him into the car.
Fast forward to the present and I discovered that I now go to the same university as him and I now have to deal with him every single day. I have anxiety attacks, mental break downs, and there are times when I’m literally frozen to the spot because he is around me and actually tries to talk to me like nothing ever happened.
My friends at school know this story now and they all do their best to keep him as far away from me as possible.
I went out drinking with a coworker of mine. At the bar a man began chatting me up. The conversation got much to personal for my taste and eventually I told him I had a serious long term live in boyfriend and was not going to give him my number. He didn’t like it. He called me a bitch to face and a slew of other degrading things. Then my male friend not knowing what was happening joined me and the man harassing me and his friend tried to start a fight with my friend. Fists were clenched. They assumed He was the boyfriend I mentioned. The men stood up ready to start I fight and I got between them and said “if you want to hit some hit me! I fucking dare you too!” I egged them on hopping they wouldn’t hit a girl and knowing Id go right to the cops and press charges of they did.
Then the men were kicked out. My friend and I calmed down and finished our drinks then to a small walk to our car. They somehow knew what car we were in and waited sitting on our car. They jumped us immediately. I had onstar at the time so I jumped in the car and locked the doors while they beat up my friend and used onstar to call police. They tried to get in my car but it was locked do the started hitting the windows. At this point the guy that was hitting on me at the bar pulled out a knife. They must have heard sirens because they ran, leaving my friend in a bloody mess. He didn’t want to go to jail for fighting back so he ran off. The cops came and told me to move my car. I was too drunk to do so and told them. They moved my car and left me standing alone in that parking lot. Thank god my friends place was right across the street so I ran their terrified Id encounter them again. The men were never charged.
It was my 19th birthday, and I was 4 months pregnant. I was at a bar with my SO and some friends, waiting to meet up with the rest of our group for my birthday meal. I went to use the toilet while the group went outside to smoke. On the way back from the bathroom a total stranger stopped me, and attempted to ‘motorboat’ me. I grabbed his chin and moved his face out of my cleavage. As I walked past him he smashed a full glass of beer into the side of my face and repeatedly punched me in the head.
I was doing a Work&Travel year abroad in Australia back in 2011 to 2012 when I was 18. I was working in a restaurant in the Melbourne CBD for a few months. The cook (D.) had made several advances on me which I rejected, partly because he was la good 36-ish years old. He then became really persistent, bought me unwanted gifts and asked me out for dinner, which I friendly declined as well. After D. realized that I wouldn’t take on his advances, he got really aggressive. He threatened me to throw me out if I didn’t go out with him, he told me that he knew where I lived and that it would only be “a matter of time”. I told my boss, but he shrugged it off, saying that “D. can be hot-headed sometimes.”.
D. continued to insult me via Facebook and one day pushed me in a small corner of the kitchen and pointed a knife at me, telling me that I should better obey to him. I fled the place instantly after I was done with work, without saying anything to anyone.
I know that I did nothing wrong, but I’m still ashamed that something like this happened to me, and not for the last time. I am since really guarded towards men, but they somehow always end up abusing my insecurity to their advantage, talking me into things and threaten me. I am thinking about never getting into a relationship again, I’m too scared. I wish I could tell my mother, but I’m fairly sure that she would want to file a lawsuit against those men, but I’m too scared of anything like that happening at all. I wish I wasn’t so scared.