A new romance will always give you the jitters.
You’ll be hooked and all wired up, thinking about it 24/7.
When we start dating someone, it's only natural to spend every spare minute getting to know each other. You just can’t get enough.
If you strike that unmistakable chord to get fireworks exploding, then being away is even harder. You might go out of sight for a while, but never out of mind. The phone calls will last all night, the texts will keep coming all day. The good morning and good night niceties just feel so nice.
You’ll meet, go everywhere you can think of, plan getaways, get drunk and do everything under the sky. The honeymoon is on. You’re greedy. You have stars in your eyes, flutters in your heart.
Then, you get to know each other some more. The surprises start fading out a little. You start expecting things without realising it.
This is all part of being and growing in a relationship.
But what a lot of people don’t understand is the value of one’s alone time or the importance of maintaining healthy space. We get so caught up in the restless pangs of love that we forget what we’re losing out on – ourselves.
“You complete me” doesn’t cut it. No other person can complete you. You complete yourself. But you’re not giving yourself time. Of course it feels great to get carried away in love but slowing down a little might not be a bad idea.
What about your old hobbies? Your future plans? Your friends and social life?
Are you really paying attention to all that? Or is it all gone with your singlehood?
I’m not saying that two people should decide to stay away from each other or mark dates on a calendar. Just don’t OD on each other. Create a concept of personal space.
It’ll do you so much good in the long run. It’ll keep your bond balanced and happy. You’ll know how to be on your own and won’t feel lost if distance gets in the way.
You’ll do things that matter to you and have time to just breathe and reflect upon how life is going. You’ll miss bae a little every now and then but that’s okay.
When you meet, you’ll enjoy the hours together even more.
Be crazy. Be addicted. Hell yeah, you do that. Just make a little time for yourself too maybe? It’s obvious that the more time you spend together, the more comfortable you become as a couple.
You won’t see a reason to be apart, mentally or physically.
Which is fair. But tell yourself that you need those breaks.
One begins losing their individuality without even realising it. You start merging into one entity before you know it. Your ideas start cloning. Someday, it could bite you in the ass.
A day will come when you’d want to go away. When you wonder about the hell you’re doing. When you miss your old self.
Why be in a position where you’re struggling to catch up with yourself?
Obviously, one could argue about the same for a married or live-in couple. You’re going to stay in one house. Sleep in the same bed. Wake up together. Coordinate schedules.
Sure, of course that’ll happen. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make time for personal stuff. Not becoming an overbearing presence for the other is key. You want to keep the excitement going.
You two could be under one roof and still be doing your own separate thing. And you might not feel the need for this so-called ‘space time’ now but you will eventually.
The flame should keep burning. And it’ll fizzle out if you don’t back off every now and then. The other person doesn’t always have to know where you are, what you’re doing or whom you’re with.
That’s also called “giving space”.
Go for a road trip with friends. Set targets to do stuff. Call your homie and say you’re landing up for a drink or two.
You’ll look forward to getting back to your lover even more. You’ll crave their company after a short absence. You won’t get bored of each other.
It’s better to get these things this way from the beginning. Making these changes later can be difficult and confusing for the other person.
Insecurities will creep in. Arguments will ensue. Frustration will mount.
We don’t want any of that, do we?
By maintaining some sense of personal space, you won’t go away from each other. You’ll only get closer.
There’ll be less scope for misunderstandings, more for respect.
So, next time you make everything about your partner, think again. When you feel accomplished and satisfied without being attached to another entity, you’ll make your partner happier too.
Even in 'us', there is a 'me' and 'you'. Keeping that in mind might be a good idea!