When mics were put on cricket stumps back in 1977, no one thought they will add so much to the sport’s entertainment value. I mean, we all like one-liners, don’t we? And a little humour does no harm. Here, we look at some of the funniest things caught on stump mics over the years. Great stuff.

1. India was playing against New Zealand and McCullum-Watling partnership was beginning to get threatening. That is when MS Dhoni made it very clear to Jadeja what he was supposed to do. And well, what Pujara was not supposed to do.

Ispe ek ghumega toh idhar Pujara ko ussi ke liye rakha hai, who udhar taali bajane ke liye nahi hai.

2. Let’s just say Dhoni is a talker. And he doesn’t make very solid efforts to not be heard as well. Here, you can hear him, telling Manish Pandey, “Oye bh******, idhar dekh le, udhar dekh rha hai“.

There are some arguments about whether he said the B-word or not. But this is funny regardless. 

3. In 2005, India was playing against Pakistan and Anil Kumble had certain thoughts about the field-placement. And Kaif didn’t agree with him. Look, he didn’t see much point in placing someone on short leg since Yohana (the batsman) hadn’t hit one chauka in 87 balls. 

87 ball kheli hai, ek bhi chauka nahi maara, iski zarurat nahi hai.

Interestingly, Kumble went ahead with the plan and Yohana was dismissed thanks to a catch by Gambhir who was placed on short-leg.

4. Virat Kohli being max Virat Kohli here. 

This is a historic one, no explainer needed.

5. Back in 1984, West Indies was competing against Australia, and the bowler Malcolm Marshall, was getting annoyed by the batsman on the crease, David Boon. So he asked him a simple, straightforward question. 

Now David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?
Reddiff

6. So apparently, this one time Vivian Richards was batting, and the bowler, Greg Thomas thought he’ll sledge the legend a bit. He shouldn’t have.

Greg: It’s red, it’s round. Now hit it.


Richards (hits a 6): You know what it looks like, now go and get it.

Wisden

7. Another one involving Vivian Richards. In a match against West Indies, Sunil Gavaskar (normally the one to open), came in at number 4. Which was futile because the batsmen before him were dismissed before India could get even a single run. This is when Richards said to Gavaskar:

Man, it don’t matter where you come in, the score is still zero!
Sports Corner

8. While it’s tough to fill MS Dhoni’s gloves, Rishabh Pant has been trying to do his best. With the catches, and the comments. In this video from India’s Test against England, he can be heard just going at it.

At one point, he also apparently said, “Mera naam hai Washington. Merko jana hai DC“.

9. Before this, Pant decided to sing ‘Spiderman, Spiderman tune churaya mere dil ka chain‘ during the match, because why the hell not? What a guy!

Reminds us of the time when Sehwag, on the crease at the time, started singing ‘kaise batayein kyun tujhko chaahein’ without a care in the world.

10. This one time Mohammad Yousuf decided to take his sweet time to recover from an injury, which didn’t seem too serious in all honesty. Ganguly, trying not to make it to obvious but also not ready to pay match fees for slow over-rate was heard telling Dhoni:

Tu time note karle, baad mein jab match referee mera paisa kaatega toh main unhein tere pas bhej dunga.
RVCJ

11. I know we have covered too many from Dhoni (what to do, he is a funny guy), so I’ll club the two in one point here.

To Sreesanth: Teri girlfriend nahin hai udhar, idhar aaja thoda.

And my favourite one to Raina: Jaag ke zara. Volleyball ki tarah khada hua hai beech mein.

12. Tim Paine, who infamously called Rishabh Pant ‘babysitter’, tries to talk to anyone he can find from the opposition (which has almost always doesn’t work in his favour). During India’s tour of Australia 2020-2021, he decided to sledge R. Ashwin and this is how the conversation went:

Paine: I can’t wait to get you to the Gabba Ash I’ll tell you what, woo hoo.

Ashwin: Just like we want to get you to India that will be your last series.

Paine: Maybe. Are you a selector here as well?

Ashwin: At least my teammates like me, d**khead.

We all know what happened in Gabba, don’t we?

13. In the same series, Rishabh Pant decided to annoy the hell out of Pat Cummins and kept asking him to play better by saying ‘come on Pat…it’s not easy to survive here’. This was so entertaining, they stopped the commentary for it.

‘Aye Ash, idhar se daal na‘ keeps ringing in my ears for no reason.