Note: Minesweeper no longer comes pre-installed on Windows computers, so download the remastered version from the Windows 10 store for free and relive the pain all over again.
The late 90s/early 2000s were tough, man. We couldn’t just solve something by Googling it, ‘cos dial-up connections had our asses up against the wall. That’s the reason an entire damn generation of us has a very open but unacknowledged secret – none of us know how the hell to play Minesweeper. *Cue explosions*
The mere mention of this ‘seminal’ Windows game sets off alarm bells in any sane or rational mind. It brings out a sort of familiar chaos, flooding us with memories of boredom so extreme we literally watched bombs turn into numbers turn into Xs without knowing what any of it meant.
In fact, there’s few things in the world as consistently infuriating as playing that godforsaken game. And there was always that one guy who claimed to know what he was doing, that he knew the game.
You just got lucky a couple of times. You clicked on the right box or whatever and things worked out.
But it’s not 2001 anymore. We’ve got high speed internet now motherfuckers, so guess what? Now, I’m about to solve one of the greatest mysteries of the last 3 decades. Well technically, wikiHow is gonna solve it.
Here goes –
Point Numero Uno – The left mouse button is used to click squares that don’t contain mines, while the right mouse button is used to flag squares that contain mines.
Point Numero Dos (?) – The first square that you click will never have a mine beneath it; clicking a square will clear off some of the board while numbering other squares.
Point El Nombre Treos (?!) – A number on a square refers to the number of mines that are currently touching that square. For example, if there are two squares touching each other and one of the squares has ‘1’ on it, you know that the square next to it has a mine beneath it.
Closure. Sweet, sweet closure. It feels like a weight being lifted off your chest, like someone telling you that Monday is a holiday, like thinking you’ve run out of alcohol only to find all the bottles your friends hid from you in a cupboard because you’re a chronic alcoholic and you desperately need help (lol jk).
Anyway, now that we’ve finally addressed the most deep rooted issue us 90s kids ever had, we can finally go on with our lives. Years of therapy didn’t help, but this? This was the cure all along. You’re welcome.