Although a lot of our parents may be pros at getting us to eat our fruits or explaining our stomach aches to the doctor, there is one thing many parents forget to give us the lowdown on. Especially brown folks, they are absolutely clueless and super awkward at discussing sex with their kids. I mean, shaadi and bringing rishtas is always on their minds, but forget them mentioning one of the most important parts of a romantic relationship!
So, since our parents missed telling us some pretty essential things about sex, we’re out here talking about it.
1. That it’s natural, and nothing to be ashamed of
Well yeah! For most people, having sex and enjoying it is absolutely normal. To have urges and wanting that level of intimacy with another person is natural (backed by evolutionary biology) and nothing to be ashamed of. Even if that means you decide to have sex before getting married, or being in a committed relationship – just as long as you make sure that both of y’all are of legal age, or older of course.
2. To use protection
If you do choose to become sexually active or are already, it is really, really important to take protective measures such as using condoms. And to consider speaking to your gynaecologist to see if it is safe to use birth control pills, or maybe get an IUD.
3. To be mentally prepared
If you’re not mentally prepared, then take your time. Don’t let peer pressure rush you into having sex. Or even let your partner’s feelings or urges make you feel like you’ve to do something without having clarity about your own readiness first.
4. That it is messy and not like the movies
This applies all the more if you’re planning to have sex for the first time. It’s not the most smooth, picturesque or ideal the first time around. There will be fumbling, brief or possibly awkward pauses, maybe a bit of pain. It definitely won’t be like a movie scene where everything happens seamlessly.
5. That consent is very, very important
This right here is one of the most important parts of being sexually active, and unfortunately, a lot of our parents haven’t discussed it with us. Consensual sex isn’t just asking your partner whether they want to have sex or not, it is also about understanding body language and non verbal cues about when your partner may be uncomfortable during sex.
If you can see that your partner has mentally checked out at some point during sex, or that they’re suddenly uncomfortable, it is really important to stop right there and possibly ask them if something is wrong. Do not continue to pursue sex at the cost of the other person being uncomfortable.
6. The danger of STDs
Well, one of the most important reasons that you need to have protected sex is to avoid the risk of spreading or contracting a sexually transmitted disease. It’s cool if you want to enjoy a good sex life, but that also means you need to take accountability of your actions. Educate yourself on the kinds of STDs one can contract, and don’t be afraid to ask people whether they’re dealing with or have a history of having an STD before sleeping with them.
7. That it’s supposed to pleasurable for both parties
Nobody really tells you this, it’s not discussed enough. Especially with women. You’re supposed to experience the same amount of pleasure as your partner, both of you should thoroughly enjoy sex. And you should be able to ask your partner for whatever makes you happy and does the job for you!
8. That you can discontinue whenever you want
Yes, you can. Even if that means you realise this smack in the middle of sexy time. You can totally communicate this to your partner and ask if y’all can resume in some time. Basically, if you suddenly stop feeling the vibe, and want to stop, then stop. If your partner respects you, they will understand.
9. That you should always pee before and after sex
This will help you avoid getting urinary tract infections. And if making sure you do this consists of drinking plenty of water before hand, do that!
10. That being sexually active is a responsibility too
Once you decide to start having sex, your sexual health is your responsibility. So, stop giving a crap about what pharmacist bhaiya will think, and get those condoms. Be brave and get that pregnancy test if you have doubts, and schedule those appointments with a gynaecologist (especially if you feel having sex is causing some issues down there).
Also, don’t be afraid to ask a trustworthy adult for help and guidance. In fact, if you need an older person to accompany you to a gynaecologist, always reach out, but do not miss that doctor’s appointment.
Your parents ever mentioned any of this?