I think we’ve all had our angsty teen years or phases of wanting space from our parents or family. And for most young adults, it almost always results in day dreams of moving out of the house for college.
Patriarchy, messed up societal norms and the pressure to make life decisions according to extended family members’ judgements, these are some of the reasons our parents end up trying to control our life decisions so much.
So many people came forward to offer her advice, most of them said she should stand her ground and simply apply to colleges in other cities to move out, though. And we get it, building independence skills should be top priority, even if it hurts our families’ egos, TBH.
1. Keep making a fuss about how much of a waste of time commuting is and how it affects your studies. If not a new city even the hostel experience would feel like something new compared to being stuck at home. Hope you make it out of there.
2. Tbh, I’m blessed in this department, mere baap ne seedha hostel bhej diya tha, Jaipur. Mummy ro rahi thi lekin coming to you, bigad toh dilli mein bhi sakti hai, aisi konsi safety hai dilli mein jo baahar nahi hai? Balki, I’d argue that Bangalore is safer than Delhi. Try to ask them what their real problem with you going out is, and solve their problems for them and keep solving the problems they come up with until they either say yes or reveal the true reason behind it, which will obviously be something along the lines of, “Baahar sheher ke log bade bade ghar se aate hai / tu humaare ghar ki izzat hai / ladko se milegi toh kuchh kar baithegi” etc. Try convincing them. But if that doesn’t work, you’ll have to work your way out of your home dude. Got to be financially independent and get a life of your own. If you value yours enough, that is. Varna dabey raho ghar ki chhato mein lmao.
3. Register for many tests and fail. Probably they’ll accept it if it’s the only option. Or last resort, apply for Delhi colleges which are on the other side. Daily commute won’t be possible and hostel would be the only choice.
4. Try and get out. I was in a similar situation and went to Bangalore. Applied all weapons in my arsenal, convincing, logical arguments of bright career, zid, jhoot, anything. Going to Bangalore was the best decision of my life. Plan B- if you end up going to a college in Delhi, your life will still be good. University is different than school by large. Good luck.
5. Tell your parents, “Either I am going to stay in Delhi and won’t go to an only girls college or I am gonna go out but will take admission in a girls college,” these are the only two options you have from the vibes I am getting from your parents. But I hope they understand you and let you go somewhere else in a co-ed college
6. I’m not sure why you don’t want to go to an all-girls college. But trust me, an all-girls college was the best thing that happened to me. It’s nothing like people say it is. It’s warm and wholesome and there’s still so much safe and healthy interaction with men through friends of friends, or just societies. But I understand yours might not necessarily be a problem with girls’ college, but with maybe not wanting to comply with your parents all the time.
7. Ab seedha shaadi karwaenge kya tere parents.
8. I also passed 12th few days ago, I was not in an all-boys school, but my parents didn’t allow me to go anywhere, anyways even if you will be in an all-girls college, who the hell is stopping you from going anywhere else?
9. Ask them if they can get you a job in an all-girls company too. They’ll understand maybe. Had the same problem with my sister, solved it by asking this one question.
10. Have a heart-to-heart with them. Make a list, do your research and lay out your case based on what their preferences and concerns are. Make a case they can’t refuse. And if they still refuse, stick it out in Delhi until you get a job.
11. Smarten up girl. It’s a tough world. Make the case according to what would please them. Be on your best behavior. Do you have relatives in Bangalore or Mumbai? Say you will stay in constant touch with them. Tell them you will video call them daily and that you will stay in a girls hostel and will be home by 9 each night. Show them the rankings of these colleges and the job prospects. Your parents are image conscious, so remind them about cousins and acquaintances who also ventured out and made their parents proud. Figure out how to sell it to them. Once you go there, do as you told them for a few months – stay in that girls hostel and stay in touch with relatives and get home by 9 pm. But very, very gradually and naturally start claiming your freedom. You are a woman – nobody is going to hand you any damn thing. You have to figure out how to take what you need anyway. All the best.
12. You’ve already said that previous attempts of discussing this with them hasn’t worked, but maybe you can try and appeal to their sense of how it would ensure a better career/future for their kid. In the field you’re looking at, are the best courses outside Delhi? If so, then this argument may work. For circumstantial reasons some years ago even my parents weren’t very supportive of me leaving a tier 2 city and going elsewhere to study. Plus, there was a lack of faith in my ability to survive alone. However, the course I wanted to pursue was in Delhi, and I got in, so eventually I was able to make a case for it. Initially I was made to put up in a PG with 9 other girls with some weird rules (by the landlord, not my parents) but in the second year, I lived completely alone. I managed just fine. Of course, there’s stuff like ego involved, and even if they may be misguided in some ways, most parents just want their kids to go by the ‘safest’ (in their opinion) option, they don’t want to see their child struggle. To your parents, the safest option is staying in Delhi and going to an all-girls’ college. I cannot stress enough how important it is to NOT stay in gender segregated institutions. I’ve interacted with many people, in personal and professional capacities, who only did segregated schooling and the social ineptitude really shows.
13. It comes down to two things, you can either take a stand for yourself, come up with valid arguments. Give them good examples of people from your family who have gone outside Delhi. Or you can stay here for 3-4 years and seek masters abroad… I know it will be hard for some time, you’ll be frustrated, but you’ll have to get used to it because if you won’t it won’t get easier. Hope you get what you want.
14. As someone who has never been able to escape Delhi, and therefore my family: Do your best to get out.
15. That’s why I am always so jealous of my friends from UP, Bihar, Rajasthan and other states cause they can easily travel to Delhi for *education*. But our parents are just too much.
On a serious note though, It’s unfortunate (and a little infuriating) how women’s lives are controlled and policed so often, so much. Also, why don’t desi parents give their kids room to grow? Not cool, please stop.