It’s a known fact that not all marriages are always successful. While some people realize this at an early stage of their married life, others take their own sweet time to comprehend this. However, people are now openly (and thankfully) discussing divorces without any hesitation.
We found a thread where divorced women revealed the things they wish they knew before tying the knot and here are some of their responses.
1. “My ex had so many red flags I ignored and it has messed up my life a bit. There’s stuff I just can’t undo.“
2. “Sexual compatibility is important and can make or break a relationship.“
3. “That a relationship takes work sometimes. And that not just one person can do all of it.“
4. “That loving someone and trying hard doesn’t mean everything will work out all right. You really need to be with someone whose life goals and values are compatible with yours. There’s always compromise in relationships but everyone has a certain amount they can bend before they break so don’t be with someone with whom you often have to do battle with just to make things work.“
5. “That it’s better to back out before the wedding if you realise – even at a late moment – that it’s not going to work than to go through with it anyway in the hope that things will get better. Hint: they won’t.“
6. “To not ignore my gut when meeting a potential romantic partner. I’d tell past me to go work on her self-esteem so she doesn’t believe that “person who is there and likes me” equates to “only shot at love.” Also, if you feel there is no room for you to be you in your relationship, it’s a bad relationship.“
7. “That when everyone with experience tells you that you’re too young, you might want to listen. People change a lot between 16 and 30, and not always in the same ways.“
8. “That when your friends quit talking to you because of your relationship, you should probably reevaluate the situation.“
9. “That I should listen to myself. I did not grow up wanting to be married, never really GAF. I’d been with this guy for years, we had a really nice DINK life, and then he proposed. I lost my head and accepted. I never dreamed of my wedding day, of being a bride, or any of the details, and suddenly, I was planning a wedding. It was the beginning of the end. I HATED it. We catastrophically divorced a little over a year later. I came out of this know I was right in the first place: marriage was not for me.“
10. “Live together first. That way when you want to move out almost immediately because you are being screamed at for touching things, loading the dishwasher wrong (by loading it at all, we weren’t supposed to use it), or any of the other things that you end up typing up in therapy as a 17 page single-spaced list of house rules, you can and you won’t be married too.“
11. “Things won’t get better once you’re married and now have a child. You don’t deserve to be treated like dirt. You are worthwhile and a decent human being. Don’t stick it out with someone that doesn’t treat you well just because you’re afraid of being alone. Being alone might be crappy but at least you don’t have the constant badgering that you aren’t worth anything.“
12. “If he doesn’t respect YOUR boundaries, don’t expect him to respect ANY other boundaries.“
13. “That being actually married is a waste of time and money. A long term relationship stands on more toleration and compromise than you think, and if you live with someone then over time you build ties that matter more than a bit of paper- stuff, children, pets, a house. You have to sit down and work this out if you split- married or not- big financial stuff should be agreed upon beforehand, legally as well as morally. Without the pressure of an actual wedding, and all the expectations that come with it just do it, after a few children you may decide to quietly tie the knot, or you may discover it’s not important.“
14. “Don’t ever let yourself lose your voice. If you can’t safely express your opinion without an argument, then it’s not a healthy relationship.“
15. “Not getting the full picture on finances and financial expectations before getting married. It’s like people feel that stuff isn’t any of their business until they’re married when in reality your SO’s horrible credit or crippling school debt or desire to live an extravagant life using every penny of your combined salaries every month without ever saving a dime can absolutely destroy your ability to live a happy life. Money isn’t everything, but it is a huge factor that shouldn’t be discounted because it’s distasteful or uncomfortable.“
It’s high time that we, as a society, break the entire stigma associated with the word divorce.