If you think women want empowerment, equal pay, strong safety laws and gender equality, you’re wrong. In truth, women actually just want fair skin, all over. Everywhere; even where it’s humanly impossible. Just so that we could look ideal. I’m not saying that. These advertisers have been saying that. Over the years. Repeatedly so. In different ways and through different ads and packaging. When they realized the ‘fairness cream’ trope was old, they reinvented it to call it ‘skin lightening’. Because, honestly, what else do women want, anyway?
Someone needs to tell the women’s rights activists it’s as simple as this and these advertisers have decoded exactly what we need.
1. If you thought women wanted to abolish slavery and the right to vote back in the 1800s, you’re wrong. They actually wanted to look ‘lighter and lovelier’, the American way.
2. They wanted to have ‘the skin men love’ because being too dark made us look sad and be neglected by loved ones.
3. Instead of being accepted the way we are with stretch marks, and blemishes, we actually want to look like pearls—flawless, spotless.
4. Brown girl energy would be nothing without Instant Brown Brighten Cream… Even in the 1800s!
5. We don’t want justice and fair treatment. We just want fair skin because brown skin is just the worst injustice ever.
6. Screw self love; we just want the joy of a lighter appearing complexion. That’s what completes us.
7. Not just a pretty face, we even want out toes to be white and flawless. Absolutely no room for imperfection, sorry!
8. Are you even an empowered woman if you have patchy inner thighs and pits? Hell Naah!
9. In fact, so obsessed are we with looking so fair and flawless, that we actually want a cream that transforms brown girls to Caucasian girls.
10. And if you thought we wanted to stop there, you’re mistaken. We even want our vaginas to be white.
11. Who needs ageism and sexual awareness when we can just ‘feel like a virgin’ by tightening our vaginas for our husbands. So that even if we’re 30, 40, or 50. Our vaginas will be ’18 Again’. One way to stop them from cheating.
12. Did you know that if bigoted parents wish they had a son, instead of the dark-skinned daughter who slogs to support her parents, you could just use a fairness cream?
That’s how simple it is to go from ‘Beti’ to ‘Beta’. Because, patriarchy!
13. In fact, the reason you’re probably still single is not because you have high standards or self-respect, no. It’s because you haven’t used a fairness cream!
14. And instead of getting over our toxic ex who conveniently left you for someone else, you actually want to win them back. With a ‘pinkish white glow’.
‘Pale-white or pinkish white, you choose.’
15. Even to have a healthy relationship with your partner, you need to have the confidence… to go backless. And have… a fair back.
Otherwise, you can’t really blame him for ending things.
Honestly, if brands could find a way to get inside our butt holes and make our poop fair, they’d probably do that too. Because that’s exactly what every modern day woman wants in order to feel empowered. Women’s rights and gender equality be damned!